The New Year - coming to your neighborhood soon

Well the year is drawing to a close, there are tens of thousands of tv shows telling us all about the year in review.

I don't really pay much attention to the tv, mostly its soaps and the food network, so partaking in the year in review things, besides my year has been crazy enough.

Jan. 2005 - Blondie and the bug moved out on the coldest weekend of the year. Sub zero temps, and I refused to help. It was another escape move, having known him for only 2 months.
Got to see Phantom of the Opera on stage. Awesome production
Feb. 2005 - They are engaged! and we have new grandkids: Sk8boy, Red and littleD, ages 14 to 8.
March 2005 - turned 50.
April 2005 - Niece was Bat Mizvha'd, crazy weekend in Chicago.
May 2005 - Bug birthday party, as always best fun.
June 2005 - Blondie does wedding number 2, in the back yard, consumes every available ounce of time and anything else she can use. Concrete decision to end banking career (hahaha) and become human again.
July 2005 - July 8-freedom from the 8-5 insanity. Annual dinner, video insanity, one de-compensating friend and one desperate boarder.
August 2005 - Volunteering feels good again, but the time off work is non existent. August 18, TORNADO. Coordinating volunteer cleanup crews became the function most needed. Good to help where needed.
Sept. 2005 - Hired to be the Resource Coordinator for tornado survivors, 50th birthday party with lots of chaos in between. Independent contractor, working without direction, totally consumed, totally loving it.
October 2005 - Every night of the week taken with some commitment, boarder and nephew moving on but not far.
Nov. 2005 - Planning to be done with the job soon, another option on the horizon. Holiday meal crisis - resolved, clearly and firmly.
December 2005 - winter is here, the job winds down to part-time. Tall child announces move to Philly. christmas prep organized earlier this year, holidays smooth. Prep for the “Last” Pink Party, all in its place. The end of the year is mere hours away.

Farewell to 2005!

Boxing Day aka The Day after Christmas

This day was one more in the celebratory events. The morning started with preparation of a brisket, and then picking up the baby buglet (how old will she be before i can no longer call her baby buglet....she is 4.5 now) from her paternal family's. From there it was off to the hotel where great-grandma stayed and swim in the pool for a couple of hours.

Before leaving for home we had to argue with the hotel, the promised recliner chair was not existent in the hotel, in spite of the promises of the young woman i booked the room with. We managed to get half off the room, and Mom was pretty tired and uncomfortable. BUT she survived.

We fed the half-pint and let her stay quiet with the TV for a bit. This thing of dragging little people from parent to parent for holidays is just garbage....the kids end up so tired they can't see straight, and how does that make for any joy in the holidays??

But, anyway, the rest of the afternoon was spent teaching my mom how to use the Yahoo Messenger on her computer....an old, slow PC. That was fun. BUT i think i got her to understand it.....if she remembers. Now we have to figure out how to do the webcam (and i have to figure out how to get an iSight) because the Firstborn and his family are moving out to Philly, and it would be nice to use the technology to watch a little of the baby growing up.

Before I realized it, time to begin to grate potatoes for latkes was upon me, and dinner was imminent. Blondie and SIL came over too, and we had a nice dinner, lit the candles, sang the prayers (with a little voice singing along) and everyone headed off to their respective homes.

I vegged here infront of the computer....not able to think to write, but reading a bit.

When i finally got to sleep, it was a rough night, but I think that was more about stress relief than it was any kind of “bug”.

Christmas Day

had an inauspicious beginning. I was up way too early. Coffee and meds, trying to wake up. Then fight with the 24lb bird for a bit and get it into the oven. The rest of my morning was about making food. Corn Casserole (a delish baked mix of corn, garlic, pepper, cream cheese and cheddar cheese), basic sage and onion stuffing, mashed potatoes and asparagus. Simple, and expected.

My mother was being brought up by the wasband because her sweetie was expected at his family's celebration. He would escape ASAP to make it here. The wasband's wife was attending to her aunt in a nursing home, and might try to make it for dinner. Red had come to Madtown and partied with his brother, Firstborn, and both boys, their ladies and my newest grandbabe, the bunny.

The excitement of the day was when the Bimbo (mother of my oldest grandsons) called and left an angry message about the boys wanting to see their father “if they were still welcome”. it turned out to be a scam, she would not let the boys come unless she did, and all she wanted to do was to start another fight. When we figured out that it was a scam and put an end to her game she pulled the offer. It was hard....she has kept them from us for 2 years, and i miss them horribly. but I will not let her play games with my life. I am sure she told the boys more lies, but.....

SIL arrived early, Blondie was working and then they would head up to see his family, but he was there for a bit on the DAY! :)
We like him a lot. Mom arrived 2.5 hours later than planned, and Red and GN (her name is french but it sounds like that) arrived next. No time to eat any appetizers. The chex mix and snack mix will hold, the bean dunk will reheat another time, but the homemade chopped liver was specially for mom....and yes she did get some. The “Pup” and his BF got there and soon the Firstborn and his family were there. N's mom and dad arrived 20 minutes after dinner was supposed to be served and then we all ate. Thank goodness for my “Pup” and his willingness to get into the kitchen and just do, because I was a bit frazzled by then.

Once dinner was served, there were no more crises, everyone found a safe place to sit (we have no dining room) and got their fill, and then it was time for presents.The baby bunny loved her drum full of music makers. Everyone had a good time, talking, opening, visiting, and just being family.

For the first time in many years, Channukah fell on Christmas Day, so we lit the candles and sang the prayers, missing the little bug voice. But that is something we will do tomorrow.

My best gifts were the camera we agreed would be our joint and only gift between us, the earrings in my stocking, the claddah ring my mother gave me that she picked up in an antique shop in Ireland, and best of all, my great grandmother “Mimere's” china. and too, the peaceful holiday with all my children. Although we have determined that the best way to do Christmas with all the kids is to do it with the boys one day and Blondie another.

Once the house was empty, things were cleaned up again, and a quiet moment with a glass of cherry liquor, and sleep.

Make Me Laugh from the album “Lumiere” by Cris Williamson

Christmas Eve

the holidays have been good, if not hectic.

Went to the wasband's family thing (a feed fest at their local buffet joint, lots of food, not great, but easy) and was invited to his house after (we had a million things to do, but i couldn't say no).

The youngest son, Red, was there with a girlfriend, who vanished in a temper snit when he told her no smoking in the company car. She finally showed up as it was time to leave for the wasband's. Quiet, a bit reticent, but seems nice. It was good to see Red, and get an honest hug from him. Things have been strained for a long time, his connections have been with his father and my mother who give him what he wants and forget what he needs. Maybe it will turn a bit now.

Spent a short hour at the wasbands country estate, (and an extra hour and a half driving) made an emergency shopping trip for the young one and his girl who were unexpected, and flew home to finish prep for the next part.

Blondie, her husband and new family (3 new high energy grandkids)and my baby bug would be headed over to our house after a while with her dad. Christmas eve was to be our Christmas time with them, there were cookies (danish butter, frosted shortbread, chocolate chip, caramel brownies, almond sugar cookies, chocolate dipped pretzles, rice crispy treats, “diet bars” and pecan delights), candies (chocolates, mint m&m's and mints), bean dunk(refried beans, velveeta cheese and salsa mixed and served hot with nacho chips), cheese and crackers, hot cocoa and peppermint coffee to enhance (candy canes for the kids and peppermint schnapps for the grownups), and then stockings and presents....and kids off for their other bio parents.

Some cleanup and a bit of quiet time with the lights and then bed....to prepare for the next day's festivities.

The countdown is almost over......

Well ahead of years past the lists are almost all in the trash, completed. there are only a few last things to be done for one meal or another. I am tired, and it isn't even Christmas Eve.

I do truly love the holidays. I love all the prep, the shopping, the organizing, even the cleaning. But exhaustion seems to go with the package. The older I get the more it takes out of me. I do not seem to know how to do it half way. I really can't imagine being one of those people who has everything done weeks in advance. Some days I wonder what it will be like when I can't do everything I enjoy doing. Not going there.

This year my mother tried her hand at social manipulation. She invited us to the Christmas Eve brunch that my former in-laws started (after I divorced the ex and was not doing the big christmas dinner). Now 24 years post divorce, we have a working relationship with the ex and his wife, they have often invited us for the holidays and we return the invites, but mostly it surrounds the kids and what works best for all of us to see them. This year was an off year. But my mother (who has always attended his family events....more often than mine-but then I don't always invite her) decided this year we should go to his brunch and we should invite him to our Christmas Day dinner. I have no problem inviting them here, but going down there is a 4 hour chunk of time I had not counted on losing. Sigh. But, the grandkids were excited that we would go, and I am a sucker for what the little ones want.

Its just kinda weird.

Namaste

“Winter Solstice, womb of night, embrace us in your inner light.” A Crone dressed in black, hands each of us an unlit candle as she ushers us under her cloak into the warm, dark yurt. A piece of obsidian placed at sunset marks off three quarters of the stone circle for night. We grope our way to cushions and sit in the quiet dark. The Crone lights a candle in the center and invites us to light our own when the rattle first comes around. Shaking the rattle in her hand, she begins singing: “We are on the road of life this longest night, together until the first light. Enter this circle in perfect love and perfect trust.”

The energy of the circle comes through the woman who shakes the rattle and sings her heart songs—all attention is focused on her, as the rattle is passed from one to another. The drum passes along to the one behind her in accompaniment; voices, sounds, body movements join in as guided by the one who holds the rattle. “Listen to your sisters’ songs,” the Crone intones, “When the rattle comes ‘round to you, trust the Spirit that moves through you—and let your heart sing.”

by Musawa© Mother Tongue Ink 2004

Angelfire

I just finished reading Angelfire and would recommend to anyone....everyone. The author commented here and I followed his link.

Ron is a newspaper editor from Texas. Now that in itself is not a compelling reason for me to continue to read. After all, I am not a big fan of the conservative southern point of view, I tend to be a bit more radical, and do not often choose to read right wing rantings. Count me pleasantly surprised as I began to read more and wander through the blog.

When I cam upon the Angelfire link, I figured it was worth checking out. I found a preview, that turned out to be more like a chapter. I started to read it and was hooked. I ordered it from Amazon right then and there.

Ron paints a picture of two brothers and Wyoming that is so vivid there were times when I actually felt like I was there and knew the boys. I felt the feelings and experienced some of the emotions as I read. Its about small towns and brothers and “out-west” and Nam vets and none of this falls in my realm of experience, but this book took me there.

It isn't my usual genre. I tend to read more about lesbians, love and romance or long in-depth family sagas, I like Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, England, Wales, Scotland, tropical islands, old European villages. This certainly does not fit those parameters, but still it touched me. Its imagery is rich and deep, the characters are well defined and real. It is a story about family, and its a story about love.

I am not going to give you any more details. Check out Ron's blog and website, check out the preview. Check out the book. its Angelfire by Ron Franscell.

Holidays are for kids.....

I remember a few small glimpses of myself as a child, acting like a child, feeling like a child. Its in those times i remember what unbridled joy is, the soaring of spirit and all the possibilities it brought. And then in a moment, they are gone.

I have been an adult most of my life, long before I should have been. But I learned that the best way to experience the things I missed is to keep kids around me. Today was an excellent example of that.

Triggered by the report of a small tornado survivor remarking to his mom that he was worried Santa would not be able to find him, since his house was gone, and then in the next breath asking her how they would make christmas cookies with no kitchen and no cookie cutters, I, the resource coordinator had an IDEA! We would have a baking day, where kids could come in and bake and do cut outs, and decorate and even get a cookie cutter on a ribbon to take home and hang on their tree, safe for the next year of holiday baking, and youngsters and oldsters alike could come and have a play day. The local Kiwanis Club offered to sponsor, and then as life would have it, it was combined with a giveaway of toys and taken over by the planning group. I still stayed connected, signed people up, answered questions, and yes, I would be there.

The Kiwanis added lunch, and a decoration and lights giveaway as well, someone donated ready to bake cookies and no one brought the supplies to “make” cookies, but there were plenty of decorating options, and crafts to do and games to play. As I filled in the gaps while the cookies were cooling and made sure that this one was getting what they needed and that one had a place to dry their creation, i realized that I was having fun. because I could make a child smile.

Holiday Concert

There is nothing more precious or ear shattering than a preschool holiday concert. But being at the right place and time the invitation was extended, and there isn't much i wouldn't do to please the half-pint......so mid afternoon after a week of staying in, i braved the winterness to sit on a bench 8 inches off the floor.

The screech when she saw us all, and the big grin that followed made it all worth it. They really are so adorable at that age. The two year olds didn't sing much, the boys looked like stunned animals, and finally after 2 songs one bitsy one remembered what she was supposed to be doing, sang, danced, and laughed at herself for the rest of that performance. The three year olds had the cryers and the silent ones, and a few sang....what tune they sang was indistinguishable from any I know, but they were quite proud of themselves. And then came the 4+ group.....and my sweetheart. They sang about S-A-N-T-A, swirlling snowflakes and other generic holiday songs, had a short visit with the man in red himself, and then it was over.

A trip out for fast food, and the ride back to Daddy's with the Grams made her happy, and was not to bad in the grandma department either.

Reclaiming my home

4 years ago, my daughter moved back into my home after her marriage fell apart. She brought with her the light of my life...my baby buglet just 6 months old at the time. Fast forward thru three years of insanity, raising a toddler, dealing with the ups and downs of an extremely messed up blonde, to a year ago, well, january, when they moved out. I do not want to even think about all the chaos that surrounds them, but I miss my little smile-maker.

it has finally been just recently that i have been working, space by space, at taking over my spaces again. the blonde thought she knew best how to organize everything....she has that control thing down pat (she learned it from the master). Knowing that her world was pretty out of sync, i let her indulge that need, again, and again.

she has been out of the house now for almost a year, and finally I have started emptying out cupboards and cabinets and reorganizing. its fun :)

Rare bout of isolation....

I have not been outdoors in 6 days. WOW
I haven't done that in years. This flu has really knocked me for a loop. Not sure I like this part of getting older.
I worked some, but mostly did the sick thing....sleep, try to focus, pick up a book, put it down, think about going to get the scarf i'm knitting, realize i don't have the energy, close eyes, refocus again when awake, realize its been over an hour since i was last conscious, and on, and on, and on. yuuuuuuk.

I'm starting to feel better, but not on top of my game yet. Or maybe I am just liking being a homebody. Course I won't like it when the paycheck reflects the dip.

its given me some time to watch the snow, to clean up my itunes and get some lyrics and cover art (tho I haven't a clue why, its been a nice wander down memory lane). It has been down time unlike i have had in........well unlike i have really ever had. too bad it had to be messed with by poor health.

we will see what tomorrow brings.

Narnia

The movie comes out tomorrow, and with all the hype, I hope it does well.

A summer ago, I worked with a small community theater putting on a unique production of that same show. It was an interesting summer. got the kid involved, she played know-it all, alienated some, and left, made some good connections who saw her skill and was asked back in a different role. The half-pint came too, romped and played back stage, adored the teens who adored her back, got a crush on Aslan and probably does not even remember the show right now, but could quote bits then. I had never even read the books, much less worked as a props lead but with some direction, i did ok.

by the end of the summer, 9 shows and countless rehearsals, I had my fill of Narnia, community theater, and the small town it all took place in. Having never read the series as a child (what kind of a life did i lead {gasp}), I also took some time to read up on what I could get on the internet. No, I did not go right out and get the book(s)....and it was a decision I do not regret. In my research, I found significant indication that this was more religious propaganda than childhood story. The more I read about the author, the more it became clear that this was indeed very focused on the particular Christian ideology that the author wanted to slip into the consciousness of the children that read the books.

When they started promoting the movie Narnia, i didnt think i would want to see it. I have become sufficiently intrigued by the technical aspects, that I might want to see it...just to see the effects.

the whole conversation makes me think more about the way i view my entertainment. I read and watch movies for entertainment....clearly not with a critical eye. I know what I like, and what I dont like. But I don't look deep into the reasons someone wrote what they did, or filmed what they did. I dont look for subtext, or hidden meanings, I don't critique what i read and watch. I take those things at face value....for the entertainment value. does that make me shallow? I don't want to loose the simple joy of my entertainment.

Those Religious Fanatics

I have just about had my fill of these lunatics telling us to put Christ back into EVERYTHING. Seems as tho the zealots aren't happy that the rest of the world has finally realized that the majority has some responsiblity to not constantly innundate the minorities with “their” stuff.

For the record: for the last 15 years, I have celebrated both some Jewish holidays and some Christian holidays. N was raised Jewish and I was raised......semi-informally christian. Neither of us attend religious services on a regular basis, and both of us enjoy the traditions/trappings. for myself, I love Christmas. I love the sounds, the smells, the lights, I love the whole set of traditions I have build and I remember fondly many of the trappings of my youth. I do understand that my enjoyment of those things is very personal, and I do not like the idea that my enjoyment may make others feel very disenfranchised, excluded and in general lonely. I have control over my personal environment, and my own choices, and they don't have to make someone else uncomfortable. In my home i celebrate my way. In the world I accept that my way isn't the only way.

I give a lot of credit to much of the market place, the business community, some governmental bodies. Those folks who have taken a stand against exclusionary behavior. Those folks who have taken the stand that allowing one group/religion to take precedence is not acceptable. People trying to acknowledge that although some religious celebrations have become so highly secularized (or is it that they have been so highly commercialized) that they seem generic, are still not inclusive of the general public!

These crazy fanatics keep talking nonsense....putting the Christ back into Christmas.....If you believe in Christ, then its already there....why do you have to trumpet it to the world? What is it about these people that they are only happy when everyone believes the same way they do? Why is their general mission to make everyone like them? Why should I only be able to enjoy those traditions I do, if I agree with them 100%, and why should their message be the ONLY message promoted.

Then there is the whole issue of “one nation under god”! that one really annoys me. this country was founded by a group of individuals who could not practice their religion the way they wished, so they moved here and thought that was the answer. The only problem is they didn't change their general attitudes, which were basically the same things they were trying to escape. The idea that this country was founded on the principle of the separation of church and state is somewhat misleading. IF that were true, then why are we “one nation under god”?

I just want them all to go away. I want them to stop telling people how to live. I want those responsible to understand that favoring one alienates the rest. and I want power and money not to be the determinant of right and wrong, or governmental policy.
I want to be able to listen to my christmas music (some hymns, some pop tunes, a good mix), I want to decorate my home in the way that I enjoy during a season I truly enjoy. I also enjoy the celebration of Channukah, usually thrown into the middle somewhere, and I understand it is NOT a major celebration.

Kudos to those businesses who have taken the exclusive wording out, to the businesses who no longer pipe in christmas muzak, stores who are making the move toward inclusiveness with more generic wording, to the folks who send out seasonal cards or new years cards, and to the people who are trying to learn about all celebrations, from the pagan to the muslim to the unknown.

Jeers to those who feel there is only one way....THEIR way, be they for or against.

Ding Dong / While Shepherd Watched Their Flocks by Night / The First Noel / The Friendly Beasts from the album “The Little Drummer Boy” by Harry Simeone Chorale

random thoughts on a miserable day

its great to start out the day feeling rotten...NOT.
I sit here sweating profusely and the outside temp is 0. No my heat isn't on too high....the fever has broken on this damnable flu for the 3rd time!

So in my self imposed sauna, i have begun to think about changing the look of my blog. But....heres the part I do not like to admit...I can not do it without help. See I don't want one of bloggers standard templates, and i don't want to lose all of my comments but i don't speak html well enough to do anything.

I learned everything I know about my computers on my own. Mostly by the trial and error method. It has worked pretty well for me for the last 15 years. I have even gotten savvy enough on both PC and Mac to be looked at by others as a teacher/geek/guru (geek i might go along with but the others....just there at the right time.) But I am totally perplexed by the language of HTML. I do not get format...I do not find function. I know bits...very, very basic bits, but barely enough to string together a coherent sentence.

My old tried and true method of ...when in doubt, look at what someone else has done and see if you can recreate/tweak has not been successful because no matter how many different sites I look at, they are all different...I can't seem to find a consistency to them.

any one have any suggestions?

the flu

found me this weekend.
thought it was just tired from the long week as i fell asleep upright in my desk chair, thot it was achies from the change of weather as i made my soup. it gave me no choice but to know what it was when the fever hit yesterday evening. and now i am just plain miserable.

i dont like to get sick. i am not a good sick person. as a kid i had bronchitis every year at least once, but learned to take it in my stride. Once i grew out of that (mid teens) I was pretty healthy. It's only been in the last few years that I seem to be falling for some of the more basic things, colds and flus...and they knock me for a loop. this fall I had 2 colds that kept me home a day each. At least I am no longer in the position of having to worry about some stupid sick time schedule any longer. I do not like that “no work-no income” part, but at least with this job I can work from home some....when i feel up to it.

back to sleep for me for a while...this was as much energy as I could muster for the moment.

Soup season has begun

Yesterday I made the first soup of the season (that season is “cold, cold, cold”).
I will share the recipe, but you have to understand that when I cook for personal use, I do it this way (when i catered, and in the production kitchen you had to have real recipes...and follow them)

Vegetable Beef Soup

1 chunk of chuck (steak, roast doesnt matter) cut into 1/2“ cubes
small amt of vegetable oil
onion
garlic
salt
pepper
water
defatted beef broth (make it yourself or use premade)
canned tomatoes (chopped)
one bay leaf
thyme
tarragon
frozen veggies of your choice (i prefer corn, peas, lima beans)
carrots half inch pieces
yukon gold potatoes in 1/2” cubes
barley



Season the meat in small batches and brown dark on one side only, place in bowl while the rest cooks. When meat is done saute onions in same pan. Dump all meat and juices back into stockpot and then deglaze with water. Pour in broth, more water and canned tomatoes (juice and all), add spices to your liking and let simmer for at least 2 hours.
Two hours before serving, add your frozen veggies and continue simmering. In a separate pot cook carrots to al dente, shock and set aside, cook potato cubes in the same manner, making sure as you shock them they get cold (or they will continue to cook and make mush). Cook barley to the doneness you prefer (i like mine al dente as well) and rinse the extra starch off (so you dont end up thickening the broth with it). Add your carrots, potatoes and barley into the soup and continue to simmer for at least 1 hour. Check broth for seasoning and serve with french bread.



I do not know how to cook small, and I don't do a large amount of broth to goodies, so this is a hearty, healthy meal or 12.

self survey

I got this self-survey from Humanyms. It turns up all sorts of inconsequential side-things that would never be mentioned, and therefore in cultural anthropology, are interesting.

MATERIAL THINGS:
WALLET: have it, hardly use it. prefer the little coin purse
HAIR-BRUSH: 5 different ones.
TOOTHBRUSH: 3 of them all in various shades of purples.
JEWELRY WORN DAILY: rings, and always a pendant.
SOCKS: color coordinated or black, cotton preferred.
PILLOW COVER: matches the bed sheets
BLANKET: on the bed, in the living room, in the office. I like blankets
SUNGLASSES: clip on's, but not the dorky kind
UNDERWEAR: basic, always
SHOES: currently hiking shoes because my feet hurt less in them, but a closet full of options
NAIL POLISH: only when i have “nails”
HANDBAG: Purse...always, earth mother has to carry everything possible
KEYCHAIN: “i love my grams”
COMPUTER: An iBook. Mac only, Mac Always
FAVORITE TOP: currently a turtleneck with a sweatshirt over.
FAVORITE PANTS: jeans or dockers
SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER: herbal essence....i love the smell
PERFUME: used to, cant breathe with it anymore.
CD IN THE STEREO RIGHT NOW: itunes: Make Me Smile from the album “The Very Best of Chicago - Only the Beginning” by Chicago
CAR: taurus
IN THE FRIDGE: nothing i really want to eat
TELEVISION: have too many, use them as background noise
STEREO: yes for “house music” otherwise its the computer or the ipod.
TELEPHONE: well connected. home, work, cell.
CELLPHONE: The perfect phone would have (in order), no drop out, good sound quality, a map program, a good camera, be about the size of 3 or 4 stacked credit cards and cost under $150 with no locked in service plan.
WHAT DID I REALIZE ABOUT ME: i used to be the ultimate extrovert. i am not anymore.
Love of My Life from the album “Jim Brickman: Greatest Hits” by Jim Brickman & Michael W. Smith
Watching Scotty Grow by Bobby GoldsboroLet It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow from the album “White Christmas” by Martina McBride

Another meme...

I think people use these as fillers...but for me they are somewhat difficult because they make me think about me.
this one came to me from Average Jane


TEN random things you might not know about me.

1. I think I am beyond trying to save the world by taking them into my home.
2. The only bone I've ever fractured was the little finger on my left hand, when i was in 2nd grade on voting day.
3. Before I started talking to people on line, I was a hunt and peck typist.
4.Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a teacher.
5. I failed Chemistry in high school. The only class I ever failed.
6. If I had it to do over again, I just wish I had come out earlier
7. I can often see things in an “artists eye”, but I have NO talent artistically.
8. I love winter, but hate the cold.
9. I know how to knit and crochet but rarely complete projects because I am inconsistent at it.
10. I feel like a dabbler, having done many things but never becoming focused on one career.

NINE places I’ve visited

1. New Zealand
2. St. Thomas/Aruba
3. Seattle, Washington
4. Minneapolis, MN
5. Dubuque, Iowa
6. Primavera, Mexico
7. Las Vegas, Nevada
8. New York, New York
9. Los Angeles, California

EIGHT ways to win my heart

1. Surprise me with a treat
2. Something sparkly (i am a raccoon at heart)
3. Talk to me about what you are feeling
4. Cook a meal for me
5. Dote on my children/grand children
6. Pick a destination and say “lets go”
7. Cherish the latest crafty thing I made you.
8. Attempt to understand me when I am being irrational.

SEVEN things I want to do before I die

1. Travel this country more
2. Travel the world some
3. Have my own new car
4. Feel like I have enough financially
5. Be able to make financial donations to those groups I believe in, not just gifts of my time
6. Go on an Alaskan Olivia cruise
7. Receive some public acknowledgement for the things that I do

SIX things I’m afraid of

1. Becoming homeless
2. Getting sick without health insurance
3. The government imposing on people's private lives
4. Being discovered for the failure I am (an irrational fear, but a fear nonetheless)
5. Falling in public

FIVE things I don’t like

1. People have inflated opinions of their own value
2. Uncomfortable shoes or clothing
3. The dog being constantly under foot
4. The aching part of aging
5. Not having any time to myself

FOUR ways to turn me off

1. Bad breath
2. Apathy
3. Over-inflated ego
4. Food-specked clothes or wrinkles

THREE Things I do every day

1. Drink Diet Dr. Pepper
2. Read Blogs
3. Take meds

TWO things that can always bring a smile to my face

1. music
2. my grandaughter

ONE thing on my mind right now

1. figuring out my life, career-wise

Between The Covers from the album “Between The Covers” by Cris Williamson & Tret Fure

“Regrets - I've Had a Few” Meme

From Mel, who always touches me with her words

Instructions:

1) Call the meme “Regrets - I've Had A Few”
2) Always refer (and link back) to the blogger who tagged you
3) Always tag (and link to) at least two new bloggers
4) List as many regrets as you like, but list a minimum of one (even if you have to re-interpret the term 'regret' because you feel strongly that you don't have any)
5) Include these five rules in each post as the meme instructions.

All right then.

i regret never having finished college
i regret never having a chance to teach in a school
i regret not being more involved with my family of birth (but i do NOT miss the mishigas that it would have added to my life)
i regret not being more physically active when i was young
i regret the fact that my choice to protect my children meant they had to do without a lot
i regret that my youngest felt that living without moms rules was more important
i regret that my eldest feels the world owes him something and he owes nothing
i regret that my daughter feels like her life has been sooooo horrible
i regret that i can not do more for my grandkids
i regret losing track of all my old journals and poems
i regret not having a dining room to entertain from
i regret losing track of friendships
i regret being broke most of my adult life
i regret not traveling much

NOW my adaptation to this meme

i choose not to go back to college at this point in life because despite the fact that most employers want a degree, college can't teach me anything I need to know.
i choose to be a teacher in many ways in my life, constantly
i choose feeling left out of my family to putting up with the crap
i chose to protect my children first and think about finances second
my children are adults now, I can not choose for them how to be adults
i choose to give my grandchildren my heart, and they seem to be ok with that
i could hunt down my old journals and poems, most of them are stored somewhere in the house
i am still able to do some traveling

so the things i can't change:
activity--cant change the past
dining room - cant rebulid the house
losing track of friends - its done and past now
being broke - my priority has never been money and never will, so broke is something i guess i had better make peace with.

Away In A Manger from the album “Miracles: The Holiday Album” by Kenny G

Alternate Realities

Sometimes i think i belong in an alternate reality,
i understand that accountability is something people should value,
i understand that words have specific and clear meanings,
in my thinking, people care and act on that caring.
in my thinking, people get involved.
in my reality, if someone asks you to do something, you do it, or say you cant.
in my reality there are is a logic to things, that needs to be followed.
i am not that rules oriented, but i do believe in what is right and what is wrong.
i can be pretty people focused and willing to bend when its important, but i have no patience for people who take advantage of the system.

Western Union from the album “20th Century Rocks: 60's Rock Bands - Wild Thing” by The Five Americans