well i am focused, just not on blogging. or communicating with old friends, or other similar kinds of endevors. i tend to be much more living in the moment....and each moment is so full.
im feeling a little like a bad friend, because i have scores of old friends who have slipped just beyond the radar with me. I will get back to them, just not as fast as i would normally. i do have to tell you, at least for me, there is much to be said for working at something that matters to you with people who “get it”!
the morning news show is doing a piece on toxic bosses, and that the number one reason people leave their jobs is their bosses.
Altho in cant say that my last boss was toxic, i can say that she was complicit in expressing the corporate toxicity. that ultimate lack of respect for the people who do the work of the organization is a deal breaker for me.
i thank people constantly these days. people need to know how much their offers of help, their thoughts of kindness, their willingness to step outside of themselves means to others. and even tho i run into the occasional obnoxious person who is only focused on themselves, more and more people are coming out of the woodwork to say they care. makes a person feel really good!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
Reading and other things
In the search for more books to digest (thanks for all your input everyone), I am collecting input from lots of sources.
I did hear about a great book....In The Spice House by Marnie Woodrow, but it doesn't seem to be available here....its by a Canadian author, and the book is about women and food....actually its about lesbians and food. There is not one thing I can find wrong with either of those topics.....in fact, they are just about two of my favorite topics :)
As i begin to gather this info, I am also starting to feel the pull of the winterization of me......i start feeling like i want to be homebound in a snowstorm, so I can make soup and bread, get out the yarn and projects, play with beads and wire, and get out the paper, stamps and ink. “My name is Cris and I am a craft-aholic”
My problem is finding time to do it all. This week I had a meeting every night....Leadership team for Pride, LGBT Business Alliance Meet & Greet, Proud Theater, Book Club, Game Night, a party to celebrate the marriage of a friends mom, kids/grandkids coming over to dinner, and then just collapse on Sunday. Where is there time to be crafty? Where is the time to even fondle paper or beads or yarn? I can't knit or crochet when my eyes can't stay focused, the stamp room is in the basement, and thats just too far away, and beads, well that takes too much planning for the moment.
I know “whaaaaa-whaaaaaa-whaaaaaaa”, I made my choices and now i have to live with them. I love being involved in my community, i love being a volunteer, and because of my skillset, i tend to end up in leadership positions (which also adds to the meetings) BUT, just like the plan (back in July) to take some time off of working and relax (which turned into solid volunteering and then a job offer) I somehow do not believe I will have the chance to play again unless that blizzard actually hits! Some days I miss the non-evolved woman stuff.....I would love to stay home and bake and craft and be a “home-maker”. Unfortunately I think I would be bored in a couple of weeks!
I did hear about a great book....In The Spice House by Marnie Woodrow, but it doesn't seem to be available here....its by a Canadian author, and the book is about women and food....actually its about lesbians and food. There is not one thing I can find wrong with either of those topics.....in fact, they are just about two of my favorite topics :)
As i begin to gather this info, I am also starting to feel the pull of the winterization of me......i start feeling like i want to be homebound in a snowstorm, so I can make soup and bread, get out the yarn and projects, play with beads and wire, and get out the paper, stamps and ink. “My name is Cris and I am a craft-aholic”
My problem is finding time to do it all. This week I had a meeting every night....Leadership team for Pride, LGBT Business Alliance Meet & Greet, Proud Theater, Book Club, Game Night, a party to celebrate the marriage of a friends mom, kids/grandkids coming over to dinner, and then just collapse on Sunday. Where is there time to be crafty? Where is the time to even fondle paper or beads or yarn? I can't knit or crochet when my eyes can't stay focused, the stamp room is in the basement, and thats just too far away, and beads, well that takes too much planning for the moment.
I know “whaaaaa-whaaaaaa-whaaaaaaa”, I made my choices and now i have to live with them. I love being involved in my community, i love being a volunteer, and because of my skillset, i tend to end up in leadership positions (which also adds to the meetings) BUT, just like the plan (back in July) to take some time off of working and relax (which turned into solid volunteering and then a job offer) I somehow do not believe I will have the chance to play again unless that blizzard actually hits! Some days I miss the non-evolved woman stuff.....I would love to stay home and bake and craft and be a “home-maker”. Unfortunately I think I would be bored in a couple of weeks!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Save me from the DO GOODERS
I always considered myself a do-gooder, but more and more these days, i consider that a personality flaw!
I just had a couple in my office who give “helping” a bad name. They walked in asking me for a list of people who needed help. When I explained I had no such list, they became close to verbally abusive. “How could they help if they didn't know who needed help.” Now on the outside of that, it seems like a pretty reasonable request, until you think about the other side of it. As i suggested to the gentleman who really wanted to be in my face, what if it were him who had been affected by the tornado, and every person who wanted to “help” was given his information. He would be inundated by some valid offers, some rip-off artists and some people who just wanted to help by getting rid of their own junk! Well Mr. Rude just pressed his point that he couldn't help people if he didn't know who they were and his wife Mrs Obnoxious flung a nasty retort and walked away.
Where in the HELL do people think that just because they want to help means that other people want what they offer. Or worse yet what makes them think they have some God Given Right to “help”. What they really want is not to help someone else, but to feel like they are doing something good.
From the time i was a small child my mother taught me “just because you want to do something to help, it isn't help unless someone asks for help”.
People who cloak their own need to be good, or be important, or what ever reason they are really doing things and present it under the guise of doing something for others make me crazy.
Thats not to say that I think its wrong to want to help, but if you really want to help, ask what people need or want...don't force your wish to be magnanimous on someone just to make you feel good. Give people the option to choose if they want to be helped.
Bitch from the album “Blurring the Edges” by Meredith Brooks
I just had a couple in my office who give “helping” a bad name. They walked in asking me for a list of people who needed help. When I explained I had no such list, they became close to verbally abusive. “How could they help if they didn't know who needed help.” Now on the outside of that, it seems like a pretty reasonable request, until you think about the other side of it. As i suggested to the gentleman who really wanted to be in my face, what if it were him who had been affected by the tornado, and every person who wanted to “help” was given his information. He would be inundated by some valid offers, some rip-off artists and some people who just wanted to help by getting rid of their own junk! Well Mr. Rude just pressed his point that he couldn't help people if he didn't know who they were and his wife Mrs Obnoxious flung a nasty retort and walked away.
Where in the HELL do people think that just because they want to help means that other people want what they offer. Or worse yet what makes them think they have some God Given Right to “help”. What they really want is not to help someone else, but to feel like they are doing something good.
From the time i was a small child my mother taught me “just because you want to do something to help, it isn't help unless someone asks for help”.
People who cloak their own need to be good, or be important, or what ever reason they are really doing things and present it under the guise of doing something for others make me crazy.
Thats not to say that I think its wrong to want to help, but if you really want to help, ask what people need or want...don't force your wish to be magnanimous on someone just to make you feel good. Give people the option to choose if they want to be helped.
Bitch from the album “Blurring the Edges” by Meredith Brooks
Books
I do not know if it's age or just me, but I find it increasingly difficult to find a book to read.
I know what I want to read, but I have read it, and what's out there, I really don't want to spend money on.
I used to go to the bookstore on an almost monthly basis, and buy a bag full of books. That was when lesbian novels were primarily love stories, not mysteries and thrillers; when sci-fi was actually science fiction, not fantasy based in dragons and men. I have to admit, I am biased. I prefer reading about women. I prefer the women's point of view, I enjoy strong women characters. I like loves stories, I like things with a little bit of magic, i like speculative fiction. i like epic family dramas that center on the women in the families, i like stories based in the British Isles (England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales). I even love the prolific, sometimes formulaic novel series such as those by Danielle Steel, Belva Plain the Krantz's and Krentz's, and oh how I love Nora Roberts (the romance, the mystical, the Irish). But, I have read most of what they have written too.
It is strange to go into a bookstore and have to fight to find enough to spend a gift certificate.
Waterfall from the album “The Best Of Cris Williamson” by Cris Williamson
I know what I want to read, but I have read it, and what's out there, I really don't want to spend money on.
I used to go to the bookstore on an almost monthly basis, and buy a bag full of books. That was when lesbian novels were primarily love stories, not mysteries and thrillers; when sci-fi was actually science fiction, not fantasy based in dragons and men. I have to admit, I am biased. I prefer reading about women. I prefer the women's point of view, I enjoy strong women characters. I like loves stories, I like things with a little bit of magic, i like speculative fiction. i like epic family dramas that center on the women in the families, i like stories based in the British Isles (England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales). I even love the prolific, sometimes formulaic novel series such as those by Danielle Steel, Belva Plain the Krantz's and Krentz's, and oh how I love Nora Roberts (the romance, the mystical, the Irish). But, I have read most of what they have written too.
It is strange to go into a bookstore and have to fight to find enough to spend a gift certificate.
Waterfall from the album “The Best Of Cris Williamson” by Cris Williamson
Another Grand Day
I love being a grandmother. It truly is the gift one receives for completing parenting 101 thru advanced parenting.
Due to the miracles of life I have 9 grandchildren. My eldest gifted me with 4, my youngest with 1, and my daughter gave me 1 bio and 3 by marriage. Unfortunately I only see 2 semi regularly and 3 slightly less, but I enjoy each moment with them all.
This weekend gave me too little time with one, and a nice time with the littlest of the bunch. My buglet stopped over on her way to and from her weekend with her daddy, both times wanting to stay longer :( but that wish was not able to be filled due to her usual social schedule. (this is the half-pint who lived with us from 6 months until just this January). Sunday we got time to spend with the “bunny”, who is just starting to widen her circle of safety away from momma.
I took Momma out for another driving lesson, and ms bunny entertained her other grandma and her great grandma, and then we came back to organize food. After a few moments of reconnecting with her momma, the small one wandered into the kitchen and looked up expectantly. Having been through this often enough, I was pretty sure that meant “up”, and so proceeded to balance a 13 month old on one hip while i stirred the sauce on the stove. WELL.....somebunny decided she needed to help, so soon she was the proud owner of her own whisk and her own bowl, and damned if she didnt know exactly what to do with it.
Its the simple little things in life that make you smile.
Your Mama Don't Dance & Your Daddy Don't Rock & Roll by Dr Hook
Due to the miracles of life I have 9 grandchildren. My eldest gifted me with 4, my youngest with 1, and my daughter gave me 1 bio and 3 by marriage. Unfortunately I only see 2 semi regularly and 3 slightly less, but I enjoy each moment with them all.
This weekend gave me too little time with one, and a nice time with the littlest of the bunch. My buglet stopped over on her way to and from her weekend with her daddy, both times wanting to stay longer :( but that wish was not able to be filled due to her usual social schedule. (this is the half-pint who lived with us from 6 months until just this January). Sunday we got time to spend with the “bunny”, who is just starting to widen her circle of safety away from momma.
I took Momma out for another driving lesson, and ms bunny entertained her other grandma and her great grandma, and then we came back to organize food. After a few moments of reconnecting with her momma, the small one wandered into the kitchen and looked up expectantly. Having been through this often enough, I was pretty sure that meant “up”, and so proceeded to balance a 13 month old on one hip while i stirred the sauce on the stove. WELL.....somebunny decided she needed to help, so soon she was the proud owner of her own whisk and her own bowl, and damned if she didnt know exactly what to do with it.
Its the simple little things in life that make you smile.
Your Mama Don't Dance & Your Daddy Don't Rock & Roll by Dr Hook
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Vickie Shaw....funny lady
If you havent ever had the pleasure of seeing this dyke perform, take my word for it....she is FUNNY!
the first time I saw her was at a local wimmins music festival. it was kind of a rough time of year, moods were kind of down and we went to this fest for a diversion, when this blond walked on stage. OOOOOKKKKK, we had just watched Alix Olson, the slam poet, and this diminutive southern belle walks out, opens her mouth and starts up. It was culture shock. I laughed....out loud. I laughed so loud, i had tears running down my face. i laughed so hard my ribs ached. I laughed so long i almost fell off my chair. This womon was funny.
A few years later, needing a comedy act for the annual Pink Party New Year's Eve extravaganza Vickie was glad to come up from Rockford. The womon did it again....I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!
See, I will usually respond to comedy with a chuckle, or a smile, rarely will a comedian get me outside of myself enough to really laugh. But damn if she doesn't do it every time.
If you get LOGO cable look out for the WISECRACKS series. They are only 30 minute shows, but if you don't laugh, maybe its time for anti-depressants.
100 Years from the album “The Battle for Everything” by Five for Fighting
the first time I saw her was at a local wimmins music festival. it was kind of a rough time of year, moods were kind of down and we went to this fest for a diversion, when this blond walked on stage. OOOOOKKKKK, we had just watched Alix Olson, the slam poet, and this diminutive southern belle walks out, opens her mouth and starts up. It was culture shock. I laughed....out loud. I laughed so loud, i had tears running down my face. i laughed so hard my ribs ached. I laughed so long i almost fell off my chair. This womon was funny.
A few years later, needing a comedy act for the annual Pink Party New Year's Eve extravaganza Vickie was glad to come up from Rockford. The womon did it again....I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!
See, I will usually respond to comedy with a chuckle, or a smile, rarely will a comedian get me outside of myself enough to really laugh. But damn if she doesn't do it every time.
If you get LOGO cable look out for the WISECRACKS series. They are only 30 minute shows, but if you don't laugh, maybe its time for anti-depressants.
100 Years from the album “The Battle for Everything” by Five for Fighting
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Gadgets.....oh wow
I am a gadget girl.
I love kitchen gadgets and bells and whistles. But most of all I love electronic gadgets.
PDA's, cell phones, music players, digi-cams and of course my Mac's.
Apple has made my gadget lust go into full gear today. The new iTunes was an easy download, but then there is the new video iPod, and the new G5 iMac with the iSight built in. My little techie heart skipped a beat.
Such are the things that techie dreams are made of. Of course I can not fit any of it into the current budget, but a girl can dream.
I love kitchen gadgets and bells and whistles. But most of all I love electronic gadgets.
PDA's, cell phones, music players, digi-cams and of course my Mac's.
Apple has made my gadget lust go into full gear today. The new iTunes was an easy download, but then there is the new video iPod, and the new G5 iMac with the iSight built in. My little techie heart skipped a beat.
Such are the things that techie dreams are made of. Of course I can not fit any of it into the current budget, but a girl can dream.
Friday, October 07, 2005
People in adversity
Every day I speak with people who had their whole lives tossed about like matchsticks in the wind. And every day I am reminded about the best in humanity and the worst.
The woman who calls because she wants to know how donated money is being given out....her insurance covered everything and if they are dividing it up and giving everyone a share, she wants her share to go to someone who really needs it. But then there is the guy who wants to make sure he gets some of everything thats out there because it shouldn't matter that he won't take any losses, he deserves his rightful share...just because he has no needs shouldn't make a difference. But then there was the woman this morning who called to ask a question and then offered that she was not working right now so if anyone needed help she would love to volunteer.
As in all things, balance is the name of the game.
Hallelujah from the album “Hymns of the 49th Parallel” by k.d. lang
The woman who calls because she wants to know how donated money is being given out....her insurance covered everything and if they are dividing it up and giving everyone a share, she wants her share to go to someone who really needs it. But then there is the guy who wants to make sure he gets some of everything thats out there because it shouldn't matter that he won't take any losses, he deserves his rightful share...just because he has no needs shouldn't make a difference. But then there was the woman this morning who called to ask a question and then offered that she was not working right now so if anyone needed help she would love to volunteer.
As in all things, balance is the name of the game.
Hallelujah from the album “Hymns of the 49th Parallel” by k.d. lang
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
3 am
What an ungodly hour to be awake.
The cold has come back with a vengeance and although I went to bed at a reasonable hour, I find myself awake now and miserable. I am not a good sick person. That being said, however, I finally have a moment to myself to blog, so there are silver linings in every cloud (do not expect that I will maintain that point of view mid-day tomorrow however).
The job I am doing has been keeping me busy. It has some major league positives . . . working with my old friend is one of the positives, doing the kind of work I do is very gratifying, and since I have pretty much made the job up as I go along, thats a bonus too.
The down sides are a day like yesterday. Half the day was spent with more folks who don't “get it” than not: A case manager who finds herself in the position of “director” of the case work and responsible for all presentation who is woefully disorganized and totally unprepared for the tasks and blowing off the need for additional support (that kind of thing makes me crazy), 2 case workers who do “get it” and sound like they really know how to do what needs to be done and one who is young and new and clueless at the moment, 3 folks from the other community that was devastated by the tornado, and then of course the facilitators.
In catastrophic situations, in disasters, there are two groups of external early responders. One being the government(the emergency services organization in our county was totally awesome) and the other being the religious contingent. Personally I would not want either of them in my home, my bedroom or my everyday life, but in disaster situations where else is the help going to come from? The government has the access and the power and the plan, and when they are good....they are very good and when they are bad (FEMA) they are very bad!
The other contingent, I am a bit leary of. The term God-botherers comes to mind. In the midst of the crisis organizations like Salvation Army and UMCORE, as VOAD's (Voluntary Organizations Active in Disasters) are phenomenal, they make sure that peoples basic needs are being met, food, shelter, safety, clothing etc. They offer formats and structure samples to community organizations that come up to fill the needs of post disaster recovery. All of those things are important....but then comes the time post disaster when people are no longer in crisis mode. That is when I begin to take issue with the VOAD folks total Christian/Jesus based focus, because it is until that time that it is covert.
Don't get me wrong. These organizations fill a need that no one else is filling. I just wish they could do it without focusing on their particular religion. I can deal with spiritual, I can deal with higher powers, as long as the focus is on the idea that this is where the helper is coming from, and it does not become divisive or worse yet, discriminatory. Because it is then that their purpose is subverted. I do believe that their purpose is a noble one (or that they believe it is) much like the missionaries who went into the untamed wilds and brought their civilization and their God to people who did not need or want them.
All that not withstanding, its been an interesting ride, and should be more-so as the days progress. We are providing needed help, and most of us understand where to be and how to be there to help people regain control of their own lives.
The cold has come back with a vengeance and although I went to bed at a reasonable hour, I find myself awake now and miserable. I am not a good sick person. That being said, however, I finally have a moment to myself to blog, so there are silver linings in every cloud (do not expect that I will maintain that point of view mid-day tomorrow however).
The job I am doing has been keeping me busy. It has some major league positives . . . working with my old friend is one of the positives, doing the kind of work I do is very gratifying, and since I have pretty much made the job up as I go along, thats a bonus too.
The down sides are a day like yesterday. Half the day was spent with more folks who don't “get it” than not: A case manager who finds herself in the position of “director” of the case work and responsible for all presentation who is woefully disorganized and totally unprepared for the tasks and blowing off the need for additional support (that kind of thing makes me crazy), 2 case workers who do “get it” and sound like they really know how to do what needs to be done and one who is young and new and clueless at the moment, 3 folks from the other community that was devastated by the tornado, and then of course the facilitators.
In catastrophic situations, in disasters, there are two groups of external early responders. One being the government(the emergency services organization in our county was totally awesome) and the other being the religious contingent. Personally I would not want either of them in my home, my bedroom or my everyday life, but in disaster situations where else is the help going to come from? The government has the access and the power and the plan, and when they are good....they are very good and when they are bad (FEMA) they are very bad!
The other contingent, I am a bit leary of. The term God-botherers comes to mind. In the midst of the crisis organizations like Salvation Army and UMCORE, as VOAD's (Voluntary Organizations Active in Disasters) are phenomenal, they make sure that peoples basic needs are being met, food, shelter, safety, clothing etc. They offer formats and structure samples to community organizations that come up to fill the needs of post disaster recovery. All of those things are important....but then comes the time post disaster when people are no longer in crisis mode. That is when I begin to take issue with the VOAD folks total Christian/Jesus based focus, because it is until that time that it is covert.
Don't get me wrong. These organizations fill a need that no one else is filling. I just wish they could do it without focusing on their particular religion. I can deal with spiritual, I can deal with higher powers, as long as the focus is on the idea that this is where the helper is coming from, and it does not become divisive or worse yet, discriminatory. Because it is then that their purpose is subverted. I do believe that their purpose is a noble one (or that they believe it is) much like the missionaries who went into the untamed wilds and brought their civilization and their God to people who did not need or want them.
All that not withstanding, its been an interesting ride, and should be more-so as the days progress. We are providing needed help, and most of us understand where to be and how to be there to help people regain control of their own lives.
Monday, October 03, 2005
One Hundred Things about me
- 100 Things Iin no particular order)
- i love being a grandmother
- i am a gadget lover
- my favorite gadgets are kitchen tools/toys and electronic ones
- i am a dabbler
- i love crafts
- i love to read
- i read cookbooks like novels
- i prefer speculative science fiction and romance
- i used to be a voracious reader, now I am pickier about what i read
- i am a go to person
- i like being needed
- i like teaching/mentoring
- i am hooked on my computer
- i will only own a macintosh computer by choice
- my computer opens up the world for me
- having the internet is like unlocking the library doors 24x7 for me
- i enjoy researching
- i hate change
- i do not know what i want to do with my life
- i would rather not be working in a rigid environment
- i like to work independently
- i am a packrat
- i am capable of throwing useless things away
- i read the dictionary and the encyclopedia as a kid
- i still get a word of the day from the online dictionary
- my vocabulary can intimidate people
- my vocabulary is not that big
- i understand things in context more than in definition
- i can not draw but i can use drawing/painting programs on the computer
- i take my coffee with cream
- but i can drink it black if necessary
- i love candycane coffee
- i hate caviar & oysters
- i live to learn
- i am the living embodiment of “jill of all trades, master of none”
- i find thunderstorms energizing
- i am sick and tired of being sick and tired
- growing older only sux because the body stops working right
- i do not think i will ever be able to retire
- i have never been financially comfortable as an adult
- i am a survior
- i worry to this day that my children won't find themselves
- i wish i could travel more
- i have planned and organized more businesses than have come to fruition
- i have planned and organized more events than most people attend in a lifetime
- i loved working for myself, but could not go out and hawk business
- i love music
- i don't like discordant jazz, acid/metal rock, grunge or gangsta rap
- i love to sing
- music can change my mood
- i sing in public and do not care if people look strangely at me
- i love to cook
- i am best at the throw it together meals
- i don't do gourmet, its too fussy
- i love lobster, chocolate and most vegetables
- i am a carboholic
- i used to be a night owl
- circumstances have turned me into a morning person
- i have been told i have a soothing voice
- i can talk people to sleep
- i used to get told i had a sexy voice
- my best feature used to be my hands
- hands do not age well
- i am allergic to cats
- i am a lesbian
- i married men twice before i figured out i was lesbian
- i came out at 29
- i have 3 children
- i have 8 grandchildren
- I love to see my back yard filled with screaming, giggling children
- i am an oldest child
- i have one sister
- my sister and i are not close, she is perfect
- i am not perfect
- i want to live near the water
- i love the sound of water moving
- i don't wear tee-shirts often
- i look dorky in tee-shirts
- i am predictibly sappy
- I am pretty good at reading people
- i like traditions, other peoples and making my own
- i collect little things, books, cookbooks, crafts, kitchen gadgets, baskets ........
- i love babbling brooks
- i love thunderstorms
- i am fascinated by the weather, mother nature in the raw
- fall is my favorite season
- winter is my next favorite season
- i do not practice organized religion
- i enjoy discussing all traditions and find something in every one that resonates
- i find my spirituality in the trees, in the moon, sun, stars and the water
- i believe that what sparks life and love are sacred
- i am a caretaker
- i have no patience for “takers”
- i don't deal well with prima dona's
- i do not have the stamina i used to have
- i will still get the job done, but my recovery time is much longer
- i am an organizer
- i am a leader by nature
- i am much better at manipulating something into something better
- initial creation is not my strong suit
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