Sunday, July 31, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
ten years ago.
somedays it seems like lifetimes, others its somewhat more recent in memory.
ten years ago we got up like any other morning.
did our volunteer stint at the MDA golf tourney...it was blastingly hot but we hung in there for the day. Got a crisis call from a friend who needed to get to her mom who was ill. We stayed for the dinner and then left the small town, exhausted.
without recounting all the details, a beautiful young woman lost her life that night, at the hands of a selfish young man. every member of my family was involved intimately, and our lives will never be the same. murder is never pretty, and finding the results is always traumatic. the loss of a precious life is never to be forgotten.
Ericha would have been 29 this year.
somedays it seems like lifetimes, others its somewhat more recent in memory.
ten years ago we got up like any other morning.
did our volunteer stint at the MDA golf tourney...it was blastingly hot but we hung in there for the day. Got a crisis call from a friend who needed to get to her mom who was ill. We stayed for the dinner and then left the small town, exhausted.
without recounting all the details, a beautiful young woman lost her life that night, at the hands of a selfish young man. every member of my family was involved intimately, and our lives will never be the same. murder is never pretty, and finding the results is always traumatic. the loss of a precious life is never to be forgotten.
Ericha would have been 29 this year.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Ode to a little blond pup.
She came to us by default, our niece was mourning the loss of her dog, and at 3yo it was a pretty sad thing to watch. So the aunties decided she needed a new pup. Her mom thought a Lab was a good thing for a small girl, and we all agreed. We found a breeder with a new litter, and when the time came we traveled north to pick out the right pup. We took her home because her soon to be new household was in chaos, mom was at camp, and then it was high holidays, and it turned out we kept her for 3 months.
those three months were a bit crazy in our lives too. the blond kid had broken her collar bone and couldn't sleep in her water bed, so was positioned on the sofa bed in the livingroom and that was where the puppy cage was too. At almost 16, the blond kid got her first taste of raising a baby (ok, a puppy, but.....). Let it suffice to say they bonded. It was a long summer. Everyone knew that this was not "our" dog. We didn't name her, and we knew she would be leaving in early fall. But its hard to train and teach a puppy without falling in love with her. She was a quick study, learned well, trained easily. We survived "The Lion King" (do you know how much a small yellow Lab resembles a small lion cub?) and then the day came to bring the pup to her new family. It was a long drive, fraught with many tears and Bugle snacks. We gave the small yellow dog strict instructions that if she ever needed us we would be there, and handed her off with the proviso that if it didnt work out, we would take her back.
it was only a few months later when we got the call. altho Cleo was well loved, they could not keep up with the labrador energy, and misteriously, she was having accidents and having mess problems. Grandma and Grandpa were going down to visit, and brought the blond dog home. She escaped grandpa's experienced grasp when they got to our house, and sat waiting at our front door. She knew home when she saw it.
Cleo's adventures did not end with that. We were the retirement home for beautiful golden retriever senior who came to our home when the uncle who was his person for all his life, passed away. Cleo adopted him as her big brother. He tolerated this pup who curled up to nap in his fluffy tail. She allowed people friends of all kinds to spin her around to see her wobble dizzily around, she charmed all the boyfriends of her blond girl, she tolerated the foster pup who stayed with us for a few weeks and all the other pups who visited and stayed with us.
Her best game over the years was to escape from the fenced back yard and roam the neighbohood. Because of her unsettled beginnings she was never spayed, so beyond the fear of her meeting her while roaming, we were also concerned that she might have met a stray male dog, and visited us with puppies. The puppy smile on her face when she would finally make it home (either picked up with our car or chased back home by one of us) did not help that fear, but you knew she enjoyed her romp.
This dog has so many special memories attached to her. She has helped teach many of our grandkids to walk, as a small pup she "stalked the wild zucchini" when we over planted, and to this day still has a taste for that vegetable. She and her best pup friend Kirby totally covered in dirt from the new garden boxes, she was a labrador who did not enjoy water, and her blond kid spoilt her rotten. With a tendancy towards ear infections, she had her bouts with health issues. When she was out of sorts, her blond kid was known to feed her by hand, kibble by kibble. When the blond kid left (married) she was lost, she waited at the door for her return to no avail.
this will be an ongoing posting, as processing takes time.
Live on yellowbutt
She came to us by default, our niece was mourning the loss of her dog, and at 3yo it was a pretty sad thing to watch. So the aunties decided she needed a new pup. Her mom thought a Lab was a good thing for a small girl, and we all agreed. We found a breeder with a new litter, and when the time came we traveled north to pick out the right pup. We took her home because her soon to be new household was in chaos, mom was at camp, and then it was high holidays, and it turned out we kept her for 3 months.
those three months were a bit crazy in our lives too. the blond kid had broken her collar bone and couldn't sleep in her water bed, so was positioned on the sofa bed in the livingroom and that was where the puppy cage was too. At almost 16, the blond kid got her first taste of raising a baby (ok, a puppy, but.....). Let it suffice to say they bonded. It was a long summer. Everyone knew that this was not "our" dog. We didn't name her, and we knew she would be leaving in early fall. But its hard to train and teach a puppy without falling in love with her. She was a quick study, learned well, trained easily. We survived "The Lion King" (do you know how much a small yellow Lab resembles a small lion cub?) and then the day came to bring the pup to her new family. It was a long drive, fraught with many tears and Bugle snacks. We gave the small yellow dog strict instructions that if she ever needed us we would be there, and handed her off with the proviso that if it didnt work out, we would take her back.
it was only a few months later when we got the call. altho Cleo was well loved, they could not keep up with the labrador energy, and misteriously, she was having accidents and having mess problems. Grandma and Grandpa were going down to visit, and brought the blond dog home. She escaped grandpa's experienced grasp when they got to our house, and sat waiting at our front door. She knew home when she saw it.
Cleo's adventures did not end with that. We were the retirement home for beautiful golden retriever senior who came to our home when the uncle who was his person for all his life, passed away. Cleo adopted him as her big brother. He tolerated this pup who curled up to nap in his fluffy tail. She allowed people friends of all kinds to spin her around to see her wobble dizzily around, she charmed all the boyfriends of her blond girl, she tolerated the foster pup who stayed with us for a few weeks and all the other pups who visited and stayed with us.
Her best game over the years was to escape from the fenced back yard and roam the neighbohood. Because of her unsettled beginnings she was never spayed, so beyond the fear of her meeting her while roaming, we were also concerned that she might have met a stray male dog, and visited us with puppies. The puppy smile on her face when she would finally make it home (either picked up with our car or chased back home by one of us) did not help that fear, but you knew she enjoyed her romp.
This dog has so many special memories attached to her. She has helped teach many of our grandkids to walk, as a small pup she "stalked the wild zucchini" when we over planted, and to this day still has a taste for that vegetable. She and her best pup friend Kirby totally covered in dirt from the new garden boxes, she was a labrador who did not enjoy water, and her blond kid spoilt her rotten. With a tendancy towards ear infections, she had her bouts with health issues. When she was out of sorts, her blond kid was known to feed her by hand, kibble by kibble. When the blond kid left (married) she was lost, she waited at the door for her return to no avail.
this will be an ongoing posting, as processing takes time.
Live on yellowbutt
How do you spell relief?
I spell it Sister Bay. We left home and the temps were about 75F and it was beginning to feel a little sticky. We reached the condo, and they were saying the temps were 81F but being on the peninsula, the breezes are fantastic, and the weather has moved in so its cooled down a little.
I miss being connected, but we will check in daily (except Tuesday, unless I can find another spot to get access
I spell it Sister Bay. We left home and the temps were about 75F and it was beginning to feel a little sticky. We reached the condo, and they were saying the temps were 81F but being on the peninsula, the breezes are fantastic, and the weather has moved in so its cooled down a little.
I miss being connected, but we will check in daily (except Tuesday, unless I can find another spot to get access
Saturday, July 23, 2005
How can I take vacation when I am not even working? Watch me! Door County here we come!!
All thats left to do is shower and pack the cooler and throw the last bag in the car. Faithful to old habits, we have over packed clothes and things to do, needless to say we are on a very limited budget, but thanks to the family owned condo, we can keep it on the cheap. I can't wait to leave all the stresses and telephone calls and BS behind us.
Door County is the peninsula on the North Western side of the state, surrounded by Lake Michigan. Not only is it a wonderful little crafty, folksy string of vacation towns, but it is a beautiful natural environment as well. I will try to share some good pictures (assuming I can take good pictures :)
The only down side to not having a telephone is no regular online access. I could hope someone has WIFI up in the condo cluster, but that is not likely. However a local cafe offers free WIFI, so I will get my internet fix.
Wheeeeeeeee! And we are off........
All thats left to do is shower and pack the cooler and throw the last bag in the car. Faithful to old habits, we have over packed clothes and things to do, needless to say we are on a very limited budget, but thanks to the family owned condo, we can keep it on the cheap. I can't wait to leave all the stresses and telephone calls and BS behind us.
Door County is the peninsula on the North Western side of the state, surrounded by Lake Michigan. Not only is it a wonderful little crafty, folksy string of vacation towns, but it is a beautiful natural environment as well. I will try to share some good pictures (assuming I can take good pictures :)
The only down side to not having a telephone is no regular online access. I could hope someone has WIFI up in the condo cluster, but that is not likely. However a local cafe offers free WIFI, so I will get my internet fix.
Wheeeeeeeee! And we are off........
Monday, July 18, 2005
Schmucks .....
I feel like a schmuck.
It's been a most intense couple of weeks. I finally quit my job after months and months of procrastinating. Just as this is all wrapping up, N's situation at work got critical, both with things needing to be done for the event but the tone and temperature of her working situation. It is complicated by the fact that our longtime friend is her boss, and part of the problem is coming from what he has and hasn't done that N has had to pick up the pieces on.
The event went off beautifully, a few minor snafu's but nothing out of the norm for an event of that size. The reviews have been pouring in, "best event ever", "so much better than any other", "fixed all of the problems of last years" being the gist of the comments.
I put in almost as much time at crunch time as she did, and I was the chair of last years event. So where I can take some enjoyment from the compliments about this years event, the hit on last years event is hard to take. My ego does not need the hit.
Add more to deal with, as I go through the "i don't have a degree, my skills are dated, no one is going to want to hire me" panic, N is being courted by another non-profit to become their executive director. The letters of recommendation are glowing, and there really is no question that she will get the job. I am proud of her, and know that the new job will give me a little more space to find something "right" but at the moment i am doing a really rotten comparison, and coming up really empty.
i am a schmuck. I need to just let her enjoy all the fanfare, be proud of her and let go of my own ego.
It's been a most intense couple of weeks. I finally quit my job after months and months of procrastinating. Just as this is all wrapping up, N's situation at work got critical, both with things needing to be done for the event but the tone and temperature of her working situation. It is complicated by the fact that our longtime friend is her boss, and part of the problem is coming from what he has and hasn't done that N has had to pick up the pieces on.
The event went off beautifully, a few minor snafu's but nothing out of the norm for an event of that size. The reviews have been pouring in, "best event ever", "so much better than any other", "fixed all of the problems of last years" being the gist of the comments.
I put in almost as much time at crunch time as she did, and I was the chair of last years event. So where I can take some enjoyment from the compliments about this years event, the hit on last years event is hard to take. My ego does not need the hit.
Add more to deal with, as I go through the "i don't have a degree, my skills are dated, no one is going to want to hire me" panic, N is being courted by another non-profit to become their executive director. The letters of recommendation are glowing, and there really is no question that she will get the job. I am proud of her, and know that the new job will give me a little more space to find something "right" but at the moment i am doing a really rotten comparison, and coming up really empty.
i am a schmuck. I need to just let her enjoy all the fanfare, be proud of her and let go of my own ego.
Email Personas
Is it so difficult to be the same person on email as it is in person (or on the phone)??
I just spoke to a woman who was enthusiastic, friendly, and very interested in having me volunteer with her organization....welcomed me to an event, and asked me to call her if she didn't get back to me because she would be at another event all week prior. So I called her this afternoon. She did not have a clue who I was, nor did she remember much of our email conversation. I will cut her some slack, she was out in the field all week, in the heat and the craziness. However I will keep in mind that we had a previous email conversation (5 or 6 emails) during which she handed me off to another staff person who just dropped the ball.
I will give this one more try, because the organization is dear to me. I belonged from the time I was a small child thru adulthood, and then for a good number of years as an adult.
The volunteer components of non-profit organizations seem to be losing out in lots of realms. Its a vicious cycle. When volunteers are not valued, they cease to provide value to the organization.
Sad.
I just spoke to a woman who was enthusiastic, friendly, and very interested in having me volunteer with her organization....welcomed me to an event, and asked me to call her if she didn't get back to me because she would be at another event all week prior. So I called her this afternoon. She did not have a clue who I was, nor did she remember much of our email conversation. I will cut her some slack, she was out in the field all week, in the heat and the craziness. However I will keep in mind that we had a previous email conversation (5 or 6 emails) during which she handed me off to another staff person who just dropped the ball.
I will give this one more try, because the organization is dear to me. I belonged from the time I was a small child thru adulthood, and then for a good number of years as an adult.
The volunteer components of non-profit organizations seem to be losing out in lots of realms. Its a vicious cycle. When volunteers are not valued, they cease to provide value to the organization.
Sad.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Well so much for the grand idea of getting some physical stuff happening for me......
Instead of going out to check out whether or not the bike is functional, here I sti updating my iTunes. But then the reality is that music has kept me more alive than anything else in the world.......
Currently playing in iTunes: Its raining men
Instead of going out to check out whether or not the bike is functional, here I sti updating my iTunes. But then the reality is that music has kept me more alive than anything else in the world.......
Currently playing in iTunes: Its raining men
First day of the rest......
Wow....
Feels like most others, but.....oh yeah, I don't have an employee id or prox card any more. I will not have to go back to that place.
I am going to suspend any other more negative thoughts and do what a good friend suggested. DETOX from all of that. So today, I will finish reading the Sunday paper, and yes, look at the classies. But after that I will see if the bycicle is functional, and go for a ride, come home and leisurly shower and .......well then I can figure out what to do from there. I haven't had such an unstructured life in years.
Already I miss the people, but I am a people person, so that would be logical. And they will survive without me, as I will without them. And the ones that count.....will stay connected.
So onward, to new adventures.
Feels like most others, but.....oh yeah, I don't have an employee id or prox card any more. I will not have to go back to that place.
I am going to suspend any other more negative thoughts and do what a good friend suggested. DETOX from all of that. So today, I will finish reading the Sunday paper, and yes, look at the classies. But after that I will see if the bycicle is functional, and go for a ride, come home and leisurly shower and .......well then I can figure out what to do from there. I haven't had such an unstructured life in years.
Already I miss the people, but I am a people person, so that would be logical. And they will survive without me, as I will without them. And the ones that count.....will stay connected.
So onward, to new adventures.
Friday, July 08, 2005
As of 5pm today I am no longer employed.
I didn't really get an opportunity to enjoy the freedom due to the lovely concept of benefits that aren't really benefits, and the fact that I will leave rather than being owed one weeks pay, actually owing them for the vacation that I had not yet earned but had taken, and sick time used but not yet earned. See, corporations call them benefits and use the names that things were always called, but they really arent the same creatures after all.
Enough griping, it only means that the idea of relaxing for a bit won't actually be possible. Finances will dictate that I find something quickly, or the bills will not get paid.
I need to take some time to find my balance again. This assumes I ever had it to begin with, but I know that there is a part of me that feels drained completely dry.
It was very heartening to hear from so many people the needs I met for them, that the part of me that always focused on being positive and caring was important to people. But unfortunately for my future, that is not a hireable position.
I didn't really get an opportunity to enjoy the freedom due to the lovely concept of benefits that aren't really benefits, and the fact that I will leave rather than being owed one weeks pay, actually owing them for the vacation that I had not yet earned but had taken, and sick time used but not yet earned. See, corporations call them benefits and use the names that things were always called, but they really arent the same creatures after all.
Enough griping, it only means that the idea of relaxing for a bit won't actually be possible. Finances will dictate that I find something quickly, or the bills will not get paid.
I need to take some time to find my balance again. This assumes I ever had it to begin with, but I know that there is a part of me that feels drained completely dry.
It was very heartening to hear from so many people the needs I met for them, that the part of me that always focused on being positive and caring was important to people. But unfortunately for my future, that is not a hireable position.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
A Good Omen
I have this wonderful set of cards by SARK called "Juicy Living Cards". They are inspirational, and I am sure there are many proscribed ways of using them. However I adore all things SARK, and this was about adding slowly to my collection. I love her colors, her creativity, and just her whole focus on life.
I pulled the box out the other day, and just took one of the cards out at random.
The front side of the card says: Your dreams need YOU to make them real.
The back side of the card says: Your dreams are already coming true.
Sounded like a good omen to me.
I pulled the box out the other day, and just took one of the cards out at random.
The front side of the card says: Your dreams need YOU to make them real.
The back side of the card says: Your dreams are already coming true.
Sounded like a good omen to me.
Well the day is soon upon me. Tomorrow is my last day of work. It has been an interesting couple of weeks. The first week the only few that knew were people who I consider to be friends, and my supervisor. Made it pretty ok to just be normal. By the second week it was time to begin to tell others.....those people who I connected with on a regular basis but would call friends, and then those people who would wonder where I was but didn't necessarily fit in one of my inner circles. And the sweet comments I got from everyone were very touching. It reminded me that I do make a difference in peoples lives.
Friday, July 01, 2005
July 4th
The 4th of July. Big celebration for most Americans. I can't say that I feel particularly proud to be an American. There is so much wrong with the way things are going in the world that can be directly blamed on the "Americans". This country itself, internaly is about to move into an even more terrifying time than the last few years.
So many people worry about the current condition of this country, but I fear they are worried about the wrong things. They don't worry about people, they worry about themselves. They don't worry about the conditions people live in, they worry about amassing more for themselves. They don't worry about how they can help other people, they worry about what they can get for themselves.
I am worried today about the impact of the Supreme Court on the lives of real people. The loss of Sandra Day O'Connor is one we will feel for years. Her accomplishments are many, and her stance moderate. GW will replace her with someone he can make his mark on history.....however it will mean terrifying consequences. I do not think there will be any stopping that. It will test all of us in the future.
But this holiday "celebration", as most patriotic ones does not fill me with pride. I choose to ignore its intent. I won't wave a flag, I won't celebrate an independence that I don't believe exists. Instead I will have a picnic with my family. We will make good food to eat, make a bonfire in the pit, set of some low level fireworks for the kids, roast marshmallows for s'mores and have a grandkid sleepover on the floor of the livingroom.
Week one DONE
Well, I made it through the first of the two weeks notice I gave my employer. No chaos, lots of people happy for me and lots of supportive comments. A large number of responses included the concept of "take me with you", and lots of we will miss you's. A few people surprised that I have no job to go to, but all understanding that I need to be somewhere else. A couple of people made suggestions that I take different actions, none quite realizing that I have no need or desire to burn bridges, but moreso, it's just not who I am.
There have been some difficult moments, knowing I am not in the stream any longer, but still for the most part things go on as they have always gone. I know I will be missed for more than just the job tasks I do. But too, I know that I have to take care of myself this time.
I have minor flashes of terror. I am a 50 year old woman, with no college degree, a life time of knowledge and experience in a massively diverse range. But starting over again at this time in my life is a bit intimidating. I have to find the position first, and I do believe that once I find the right one, I can win the job. But finding it is going to be the trick. Guess I haven't got much choice now...but I hope the universe opens and that job makes itself available.
There have been some difficult moments, knowing I am not in the stream any longer, but still for the most part things go on as they have always gone. I know I will be missed for more than just the job tasks I do. But too, I know that I have to take care of myself this time.
I have minor flashes of terror. I am a 50 year old woman, with no college degree, a life time of knowledge and experience in a massively diverse range. But starting over again at this time in my life is a bit intimidating. I have to find the position first, and I do believe that once I find the right one, I can win the job. But finding it is going to be the trick. Guess I haven't got much choice now...but I hope the universe opens and that job makes itself available.
Flower in pink
a gorgeous shot from my daughters wedding flowers. just testing the new blogger photo option. looks like this might work nicely.
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