Software frustration

Blogger is beginning to annoy me. I do not like the cludgy interface it offers for entering in posts, so I found a couple of programs that the Mac can use to put posts out there.  This one used to be so slow that i could type 3 lines before anything showed. One worked for a while and I really liked it and then bloger changed something and suddenly it stopped working. This program has speeded up a little, but i can still out type it. I found another program, a journalling program, that i really like, but it does not let you put a title on the post (and its a pain to go back in and add it). 

Then there is the beta blogger interface. I worked long and hard to design or rather redesign my blog. I like the header, I like the colors, I like the font. I would really love to have the catagories option, but it does not seem I can have both.Besides, how soon before the beta starts having failure issues too?

Maybe I should try WordPress.  I have neither the time nor inclination to get more complicated than that. Have looked at other software, and the packages do not have applications in them which confuses me totally. Besides I do not own my own domain, and the only server space I have is through my internest service provider and it has an ugly FTP process and an even uglier path and and therefore name.

Then there is Bloglines-- a great service-when it works. My biggest issue with the damned thing is that I began to count on it, and of course thats when it began to fail.  So now I will go back to my blogroll and hope blogrolling does not start to mess up!

If I can get Word Press to do what I want it to, will you all come visit me there??

The whole job thing.

i know i need to get my A in G and get out and get a real job. I need the insurance. I need the income. I need the sense of being compensated for what I do.
Suzie Homemaker, I am not. I can do all of the parts necessary, but I have no interest in that as a longterm focus.

My creative energy is at a longtime low, so even doing those kinds of things I love to do gives me no thrill.

There is a limit to how much I can read, on-line or paper.

One day a week of "consultant" isnt enough to keep the budget happy and 'specially dealing with the control freak board member, it does not do my self worth much good.

I am great to have around for the "project" stuff. In the last few weeks I have rewritten one organization's by-laws, written a grant for another organization, and pulled off a major donor event.

I have had people suggest I become a caterer, others sent me some high powered jobs (ones i was not elegible because I am not currently working for the state, and one even suggested I become a financial consultant (don't have the degree for that)

I have spent the last 10 years in and out of different jobs, some I loved, some I hated, but still with the sense of trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

There were always 2 things I wanted to do with my life....one was to be a parent, the other a teacher. I have done the parenting thing, and now they are on their own....out of the nest. Teaching is something I have always done, and continue to do.....it seems everything i get into, i fall into the teaching, training, support roles....and I enjoy that. But ........

A good event.

It was a major donor event, and mostly it was mine from start to finish, I picked the theme, did the invites, got the space ready, purchased most of the food and drink, laid it out, plated all the food trays, and designed the food tables.
It was a wine and cheese tasting, and an opportunity for major donors and some prospects to meet the new Director and to hear about the new direction of the agency. It was a way to thank the donors and give them some new information.

It went really well. People were impressed with the food, they aske who catered it and when I told them I had done it, they asked me if I was doing that now. I do not think I would start a catering business knowing what I know about the food biz. But it would be fun. I do not think i have the health and stamina anymore, but its fun to be able to do it as a volunteer.

It was a good event. We even took in donations.....more than paid for itself.

Quandries

Christmas has always been and will always be my most favorite holiday. I love the baking, I love the cooking. I love the decorating, I love the music, I love the snow. I love the thought of people putting thought and care into the choosing of gifts to share with the ones they love.

When the kids were little we worked on picking through their toys...for them to give to kids who had none. We worked on making gifts to give to others. We worked on food to share.

To me Christmas is about the kids.
Now the kids have their own priorities, they live far away or they have other families they have to divide themselves between.

So now I sit with options available to me and none of them are satisfactory.

I could make a whole new tradition...but without the kids to me it just is not really a holiday. (I am the ultimate adult..i have been since i was a small girl. i don not know how to be any different, my ability to find joy has always been through my children)

I could do something completely different. Go away. Take a much needed vacation. But then it would be as if there were no Christmas at all.

I could do what I always do and sit and wait for the kids who are near find time to spend a few minutes with me.

Who knows what will happen.

Oh My Heavenly ........

I am going to be a grandma again! of TWINS!

And almost as quickly as they moved to Philly (with a week's notice), they will move to Virginia (at the end of November) and on January 13 they will get married!!! My eldest son has never done anything simply.

I asked d-i-l if there was anything more she would like to try new this month! She giggled and said no, she would wait until next month.

This makes a total of 11 grandchildren....I am way too young for that! [G}]

So for the moment I am scrambling about hunting down the rules for out of state marriage license applications, judges in the area (they are getting married at his dads' house), and printers to do the invites (i am designing). and he only called about 2 hours ago.....

We live in strange times. or The more things change, the more they stay the same.

At the beginning of the week, we were wired for sound. Talking, walking, calling, hoping. Tuesday was a day of anxiety and second guessing, of pontificating and taking guesses as to the outcome. Tuesday night once the polls closed there was hurt, and anger mixed with a great deal of optimism. Wednesday was a day of reflection and sharing, of wondering the outcome of of some really tight races that could change the course of the way things are done. Thursday was life as usual again.

The weather has been as bizzare as the politics. Indian Summer does not usually wait until the first week of November to show its head, but so it did, with the week beginning in the 50's each day a bit warmer unitl today, The temps plummetted into the 30's and we have the thunderstorm that supposedly will lead to 2 or 3 inches of snow.

Most of this just goes to show that you can not predict in close quarters. We can see trends in major movements. The politics of this country have always swung from the left to the right to the left again. the seasons obliously change every year with regularity. Are there anomolies? of course. 68 degrees on November 9, very odd. a smirking chimp as a lame duck is a good thing.

and life goes on.

The grandbug is a trooper.
Her mom called yesterday morning. Could we watch her, they both have to work in the evening.
Of Course! We love to have her. Only glitch, we have a town hall/potluck to put on. I am doing the catering on it. So I will h ave a little helper.

I had a little bit of trepidation, of late she has been a bit clingy/needy and not willing to get involved. So I bought a coloring book and another surprise and figured we would work our way through it.

From the moment she got there, she was "on"! Helped with everything from lining baskets to loading them with bread. Wore her hat and plastic gloves, did everything she was asked to do. Was friendly with people and outgoing, responding to adults appropriately and even generating appropriate conversation on her own. While I served, she carried on conversations with people waiting in line. while I cleaned up, she sat quietly and colored. The TV cameras and the newspaper columnist acknowledged her quiet presence, her knowing that she belonged with her grandmas and her good behavior.

This one is special. I never believed I would single one of my kids/grandkids out to be better than the others, but this one is special. I love them all, with abandon. But maybe, just maybe, if one of my brood is going to achieve greatness, it will be this one.

Once upon a time, when I was young and very busy being a single parent, I considered myself to be apolitical. Who had time for the gameplaying, the ugliness, the maleness of it all. It was arguing about war, it was throwing numbers around, it was the who is better than who game, played out over and over again.

When I came out as a lesbian, I realized that my life was a political statement. Not that it should ever have had to be, but my "differentness" was a "political statement" ....and here I just thought it was a personal statement. No matter. When I came out, being Queer was just becoming talked about. and then came AIDS, which brought the words to the front of the public consiousness.

25 years ago, my state became the first "gay rights" state. The first state to pass anti-gay discrimination laws.
20 years ago, I began to be "policital". Don't get me wrong....I still hate Politics! I find most of it below contempt. People trash each other to gain the power, and once they have the power, most of the promises made go by the wayside, and even the good ones tend to conform to the "system" because it is the only way to accomplish anything.

Last night, my state voted to deny our couples and families equal rights. In an unpresidented move, the binding referendum asks:

Shall section 13 of article XIII of the constitution be created to provide that only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state and that a legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state?"

Last night, amidst the excitement of Democratic wins across the country, amidst the celebrations within our own Dems wins, we, the LGBT people of the State of Wisconsin, were handed defeat of the most personal kind.

I feel battered emotionally.
And now we have to move on.

Tonight, we put on a town meeting/potluck, a time and space for people to talk about their feelings, grieve the losses and start to plan for the future.

The reality is that nothing was taken from us that we already had. The possibilities have been stolen from us. The fight becomes deeper, harder and more important.

But for now, this moment, I will let my heart ache,

VOTE!

You have a voice in this country, it is your responsibility to use it. That voice is your vote.

I have heard/read, too many times of late, people who are disheartened by the way things are going in this country choosing not to vote. They think it does not matter. It does.

If you choose not to vote, you give one vote to the opposition. If your vote only cancels out one of the votes for the opposition, it is still worth the time it takes to vote.

Take it a step further. Vote, and encourage others to vote.

On a more personal note, 28 years ago, for what would have been the first presidential election i was eligible to vote in, I opted out. 'Course I was in full on labor at the time, and the hospital was not about to let me go vote!!
Happy Birth Day Childing.

I am SO PROUD of our Youth

Wisconsin (the first state to enact laws on a statewide basis that protected LGBT people from discrimination) is about to fight against people who would institutionalize discrimination by changing our Constitution. We have all been fighting on every level we can, and Tuesday's vote will tell us.....A Fair Wisconsin Votes NO!

The LGBTQ youth of our state have made their views public. Please check it out and pass it on to as many as you can.
The Panel Project

I know some of them, through the youth theatre group I work with, but most are just names. By the time I read through all of their thoughts and feelings...so simply put into quilt panels...i was in tears.

I have been an actvist for many years, fighting for my own rights, and those of my children.

These are kids out there fighting for all of our rights.

There is some hope for the future.

If you are a Wisconsinite, on November 7, 2006....Vote NO on the anti-marriage amendment. Vote yes for the politicians who value the rights of all, not just the rights of special interests. Be the voice for our future!

History repeats itself.

That was a lesson I learned as a youngster. I guess I never expected that to happen in my lifetime. I understand that historical things have happened in my life time. From outer space travel to computers to medical miracles, so many things have changed.
But you would think that we would learn from our mistakes.

i was just a kid learning about the world, watching the news on black and white televison. what i saw, no child should be watching. I saw soldiers and guns and dead bodies, seeing bombs go off, hearing the sobbing of Vietnamese. It continued throughout my youth. I guess I got used to it. As a junior in high school it became more of an issue because my peers were now talking about how the draft lottery would affect them. We all knew someone who had gone to 'Nam and not come back.
Fast forward 30 years plus. We do not have a draft this time around, and we have become desensitized to the reports of death. But every so often, I read a newspaper story, catch a soundbyte on TV, that gives me the strangest sense of deja vu. The horror carries through.

the question has been raised as to WHY one would take such a route as we did on a cross-country trip?
the line : Beggars can't be choosers. Our flight was a gift from our hosts and thier frequent flyer miles dictated the
path.

The trip home was HELL!

The first indication was the fact that my backpack had to be run through the scanning machine twice. Why? My inhaler was giving them fits. Never mind that the other bag also had an inhaler, never mind that it never moved from the trip there, so the last folks had no issues with it. Oh well. Security is a joke really. They miss more than they catch.

This flight took off on time, but that was negated by my seat partner. a gent close to my age who had no boundary issues...it was all his space. When I asked if he could move in just a bit (he was working his elbow into my ribs) he informed me he had no room. So on a 4 hour flight, I got the joy of riding the whole trip with my arms locked in front of me and his freaking elbow in my rib. The flight was packed to the gills, so there was no option of even moving.It was miserable.

We got to Cincinnati, took a shuttle to the far end of the world concourse, figured out the unique gates and went to eat something. Came back to prepare to board, they are trying to get people to volunteer to give up their seats, they have over booked and then after 30 minutes that is finally resolved and suddenly there is a delay of 30 minutes....some surprise security check i guess. Then there is another delay, till 10p.

We finally boarded at 10, and were told that there would be another 45 minute delay....Wind in Chicago was causing problems...but this would be the last delay...they said. after 15 minutes or so, it got serious. We were being de-planed. Chicago, one of the biggest international airports in the country, had no radar. Cant land in an airport that cant see you! This one is serious. they have no clue when it will be fixed. It is now 11p, and a half hour later we have secured discount tickets for a hotel, been reticketed for Tuesday morning at 10, and I was getting out the computer to let our friends know via email what our status was.

Dontcha know that was the magic trick. Just as my computer booted up, they announce they are reboarding us. So one more time we trudge out to the tarmac with our bags, to climb the steps up to the plane. But this time, surprise of all surprises, we actually got off the ground.

The only plus was chatting with the others surrounding us on the trip. A young mom and her 8 year old son who was dead exhausted, turned out to be our neighbors by just a few blocks. The boy fell asleep and I offered to help her carry things so she could carry the sleeping son. Then there was the Chicago family whose 9yo was wired for sound so we helped occupy her mind for a bit.

But finally we were within spitting distance of our very own car. We declined the offer to stay overnight and drive home the next morning, but by then we were just ready to get home. Two and a half hours and one potty stop later we were home. By the time sleep came it was 4 am, but there were no travels yet to come. Thank the goddess.

My reaction to the whole thing was to come down with some evil flu, and still this morning feel like every bit of my body has been well beaten.

We have come to the conclusion that Chicago-O'Hare is not our friend. If we can avoid it, we will do as little travel from that airport as possible. Not that we have any great plans soon.

the weekend was awesome

Redmond, in spite of being the home of the evil empire (Microsoft), was fantastic.
Saturday morning was wandering about on our own in the mall that the hotel was attached to. Redmond Town Center is an amazing shopping center. Got our coffee and commenced to wander.

The early afternoon included a stint at the hospitality center, a conference call from some of our list friends who had not been able to make the trip....and finally a diet Dr Pepper (my first in almost 2 days). A bit more shopping/wandering the mall and it was time to dress for the party.

The party was wonderful. I met people I had only read email on an email list from. Both from my own list and a list that was my first. Good friends, good food, good fun. A drink in the lounge with a couple of friends from my list, and I think it was an early night. By that time I was totally chronologically confused. That night daylight savings time messed me up even more. Up and at 'em early the next morn, it was tour day. First to our friends new home, a beautiful complex of mostly free standing condo units, an awesome lodge and community building, and hundreds of homes. Built as a retirement community, with a serious comittment to not changing the landscape too much, they still live in the woods and are promised that it will remain that way.

A short brunch, and we were off to tour greater Seattle, with two former cabbies. Saw all of our favorite bits and even got a chance to wander Pike's Market for a bit. If it weren't for the two non-stop talkers in the back of the van it would have been a wonderful afternoon.

After that we joined our hosts for dinner and quiet conversation. Then headed back to the hotel to pack for the long trip home.

what a trip...literaly and figuratively

BUT we are here in Seattle. and it is wonderful.
it had been a loooooong week to begin with and the end of it was totally in keeping with the rest of the week.

We started the day at 5am. Now thats not an unusually early time for me to be up, but the computer was already packed to travel and I was acutally moving, doing at 5a instead of the usual reading and waking up kinds of things I am about at 0'dark thirty in the morning. But off we were, in the light rain...appropriate to begin a trip to the grey PNW.

Got moving and hit our stride. Opted not to hit fast food land for a breakfast treat (we had already had a peanut butter english muffin half, and at the wee hours the body can only tolerate so much food). Stopped somewhere just inside the Wisconsin border to get refills on the caffiene, empty the previous caffiene, and motored on.

We left so early with the express desire to avoid any rush hour traffic either in Milwaukee or Chicago areas. I have to say, we did pretty well at that. There was only one stretch of about 10 miles well north of Chicago where we slowed down to 10 mph for a while. Then we got off the tollway and made our way to the suburban home of SIL, who would drive us into the big airport, saving us the horrendous parking costs. From there we were....on....our....way. or so we thought.

It has been ages since we have traveled by plane. I think the NZ trip 3.5 years ago was the last time. In the interim, Air travel has changed just a bit. We printed our own tickets, checked ourselves in (with the help of a sweet, elderly man who also got our bag checked in) and went off to homeland security.....to take off our shoes and have our belongings scanned. Even having read all the rules, the fear that there will be something considered contraband, or that my shoes will mysteriously have something bizzare in them makes it a little bit harried. Of course the young dyke at the other end of the scanner made it a bit easier by saying something about the fact that we didn't quite look the type to cause problems. My question is why do they not have banks of chairs or at least some benches for us to sit and put shoes back on?

Anyway....we get to the gate, find a bathroom and begin the wait. Another bonus of Homeland Security is that you have to arrive hours before your flight, just in case there is an issue with the security process. Airlines will not wait. I learned yesterday that airlines will not do much anymore. When we got to the gate, there was a line at the check-in counter. Angry people were dealing with a "situation".

Our first leg was to get us to Atlanta....and it seemed that the weather in that major Delta hub was horrendous. Flights had been cancelled and delayed and it was causing a major kerfluffle here at good old gate L5. Computers had deleted people and changed their itineraries without request or warning. People were testy and frustrated. Security almost had to be called because one gentleman became quite rude and demanded attention immediately. The computerized voice kept telling us that even if we had a confirmed seat, things had to be confirmed again. We were told our seats were safe.

Then the delays began. In the meantime, the friend who arranged this all found an alternate path for us to try. After I stood in line for another hour, offered up our seats on the Atlanta flight if they wanted to switch us to the Salt Lake City flight, he said he couldn't do anything about it and soon after, left. This was a good thing because his customer assistance skills were nonexistent by that time. But do you know that when they cancel your flight due to weather, they do not offer to pay for your hotel anymore.

Well we got a bit edgy when the delays were setting us up to miss our connecting flight.and by this time its well past 1pm.
Again I went to the counter, offered them the option of switching our flight to something we could actually get to Seattle on, and they suggested we head to the other gate and have them take care of it there. Lickety split we were transfered to another flight that would take us to Salt Lake City airport and then on to Seattle from there. and only an hour later than our original arrival time.

The flight to SLC was almost anti-climactic. The view out the window at the airport was nothing less than phenomenal (i love mountains). I had a major panic attack when I tried to boot up the computer to kill some time. Couldnt boot up because the password used both sides of the keyboard, and half the keyboard was not working :(.....kind of put a damper on my mood. But a quickie chinese dinner later we were on the plane for the Pacific Northwest.

When we finally got to Seattle, the next question was our luggage...we only checked one piece, and of course because we changed flights, it was destined not to arrive when we did....BUT as we waited to be sure that the suitcase really was not there, another flight was unloading baggage. Our original flight. And yes, there was our case....it made it too.

A phone call later we were climbing into a private shuttle, greeting old friends and speeding our way to Redmond.