11 years ago, and an hour or so earlier, life altering things happened. a young woman lost her life, due to the stupid, selfish greed of a young man; N came upon a murder scene, my youngest called home and said “Mom, get here now” and life changed for many of us forever.
More later, but for now.....
Remembering a 19year old, just beginning to realize her potential, and then in just a few moments......gone.
We will never forget you, Ericha.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
slowly returning to what resembles normal.....
this morning its off to the farmers market with a friend, and then a backyard grill out at our house with another friend I haven't seen in ages.
six months ago I was writing about a new normal for the tornado stricken, and now I am learning about what new normal means for me.
six months ago I was writing about a new normal for the tornado stricken, and now I am learning about what new normal means for me.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
now what
well.....
i have managed to volunteer myself to a frazzle, and still I am in the same old rut.
I am not sure what lesson I am supposed to learn that I obviously keep missing, but damn....I am getting tired of this.
I accept that I am just a doer, and therefore get little recognition. I choose the working position as opposed to the spotlight. But i am tired of my life amounting to barely surviving.
I am also totally “f”ing tired of people whining about how broke they are and then spending a 1000 dollars on plants, having a service to do their lawn care, eat out when ever they choose, buy all the toys they want, when they want them. That to me is spending all your money, not being broke. but I am just feeling sorry for myself because I am now beyond the end of the financial tether I had set for myself, and am so freaking exhausted I couldn't convince my best friend to give me a job, much less a good paying one.
So the agency I volunteer for offered me a 4-hr per week job doing again the data entry I was doing earlier this year....for a pittance, as a consultant. And of course I have to take it....i have bills to cover. The graphic thing.....is great for fill in too, but he is more focused on making his own money, and spending it like water, he is not ready for an employee. And worse yet, the grand talk of the magazine is not really my dream.
Aren't I just the happy one. ok....time to suck it up one more time and figure out what to do. Can't sit at the edge of tears any more....that in itself is exhausting.
i have managed to volunteer myself to a frazzle, and still I am in the same old rut.
I am not sure what lesson I am supposed to learn that I obviously keep missing, but damn....I am getting tired of this.
I accept that I am just a doer, and therefore get little recognition. I choose the working position as opposed to the spotlight. But i am tired of my life amounting to barely surviving.
I am also totally “f”ing tired of people whining about how broke they are and then spending a 1000 dollars on plants, having a service to do their lawn care, eat out when ever they choose, buy all the toys they want, when they want them. That to me is spending all your money, not being broke. but I am just feeling sorry for myself because I am now beyond the end of the financial tether I had set for myself, and am so freaking exhausted I couldn't convince my best friend to give me a job, much less a good paying one.
So the agency I volunteer for offered me a 4-hr per week job doing again the data entry I was doing earlier this year....for a pittance, as a consultant. And of course I have to take it....i have bills to cover. The graphic thing.....is great for fill in too, but he is more focused on making his own money, and spending it like water, he is not ready for an employee. And worse yet, the grand talk of the magazine is not really my dream.
Aren't I just the happy one. ok....time to suck it up one more time and figure out what to do. Can't sit at the edge of tears any more....that in itself is exhausting.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Pride
In retrospect, our pride celebration was everything we intended it to be. It was a resounding success.
The control was taken from the bars and overt commercialism, the community “got it” and came out in droves. We had people coming back the second day who had NEVER spent 2 days at pride, Our Performers were paid (we even paid some of last years debts)and wanting to come again, our vendors were thrilled and asking to come back next year, and except for the temps on Sunday, things went really smooth. There were a few glitches, a few feathers ruffled (mostly by people who didn't carry off their parts and had to have others clean up for them.).
The finances should be a wash, we got more sponsors and that covered for the no entrance fee for Sunday's family day. Attendance for Sunday was record. 2300 people. Saturday was down from the usual 1500 from 900, but there was an unspoken boycott by the bar crowd, up to and including one bard leaving us in the lurch for bartenders. But we recovered with the help of another.
The biggest gaffe of the weekend seems to be my losing my cool with one of the ones who put in minimal effort and then expecting that his choice to be in drag gave him special dispensation to show up late and do no work and act like a prima donna. My comment was way over the top....i was out of line. I should apologize, but i just can't seem to make myself do so.
Will I do it again? I don't know. I hate to see it go back to what it was. I just don't know if i have the energy/stamina to do what i did again.
Started out as volunteer coordinator - picked up secretary when he ditched. picked up the pride guide and tight oversight of the website when he who should have been doing that did the website not to expectations and admitted he couldn't do print media at all. I ended up starting the vendor program when she had to take time off for school, but when she came back she didn't really. I started getting calls from vendors saying that they were calling and emailing and getting no replies, so i took it back, and got major attitude from her.She tried to dump the youth programming off on me in a snit, but by that time N had gotten sick and I was doing her stuff both work related and Pride related and I just looked at her and said “i can't”. and of course when N became ill, i took over her co-chair position along with my own stuff, and then all the work for the banquet and all the work of caring for her. so maybe my perceptions are still a bit skewed. i should rethink this later.
but I am very proud of the work I did, and very very proud of the people who formed the majority of our committee/board. WE DID IT!
The control was taken from the bars and overt commercialism, the community “got it” and came out in droves. We had people coming back the second day who had NEVER spent 2 days at pride, Our Performers were paid (we even paid some of last years debts)and wanting to come again, our vendors were thrilled and asking to come back next year, and except for the temps on Sunday, things went really smooth. There were a few glitches, a few feathers ruffled (mostly by people who didn't carry off their parts and had to have others clean up for them.).
The finances should be a wash, we got more sponsors and that covered for the no entrance fee for Sunday's family day. Attendance for Sunday was record. 2300 people. Saturday was down from the usual 1500 from 900, but there was an unspoken boycott by the bar crowd, up to and including one bard leaving us in the lurch for bartenders. But we recovered with the help of another.
The biggest gaffe of the weekend seems to be my losing my cool with one of the ones who put in minimal effort and then expecting that his choice to be in drag gave him special dispensation to show up late and do no work and act like a prima donna. My comment was way over the top....i was out of line. I should apologize, but i just can't seem to make myself do so.
Will I do it again? I don't know. I hate to see it go back to what it was. I just don't know if i have the energy/stamina to do what i did again.
Started out as volunteer coordinator - picked up secretary when he ditched. picked up the pride guide and tight oversight of the website when he who should have been doing that did the website not to expectations and admitted he couldn't do print media at all. I ended up starting the vendor program when she had to take time off for school, but when she came back she didn't really. I started getting calls from vendors saying that they were calling and emailing and getting no replies, so i took it back, and got major attitude from her.She tried to dump the youth programming off on me in a snit, but by that time N had gotten sick and I was doing her stuff both work related and Pride related and I just looked at her and said “i can't”. and of course when N became ill, i took over her co-chair position along with my own stuff, and then all the work for the banquet and all the work of caring for her. so maybe my perceptions are still a bit skewed. i should rethink this later.
but I am very proud of the work I did, and very very proud of the people who formed the majority of our committee/board. WE DID IT!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
A Shorn Buglet
She got head lice, and the tiny little comb was murder (she has very thick, very fine hair and has hated to have it combed or brushed since birth) I am guessing that Mama suggested that if she didn't sit still, she would shave it all off. The sweet bug jumped at the idea. Mama called here, asking the opinion, and saying that she too would get a short cut too, and Mams offered to take her shopping for hats. so we have a pixie with a cloche, a cowboy had a baseball cap and a denim fishing hat. and thrilled :)
Monday, July 10, 2006
Speech
Here I am speaking about the importance of being a volunteer. I was honored to receive the award, but wanted to remind people that its more important to do than to be in the spotlight.
Wow what a weekend
So much to share and no energy to type it all.
Let it suffice that I am still exhausted, but I will try to share a few bits of it all.
The week was INSANE. Each day brought some new crisis, whether it was for Pride or the banquet. Did manage to see fireworks 3 different nights...makes up for all the years we saw none.
The banquet was a blur. Setup took longer than it should have and there were a few crises there, and getting everyone in the right place with the right meal. The most amazing thing is that people think they can leave messages and emails the day of the banquet, and we are supposed to get them, like we have nothing else to do. By the time I got up to receive my award, I was exhausted.
Our MC was an old friend and a State Assembly member. What he said was sweet, and he gave his bit a personal touch. I didn't stumble with my speech (which amazed me). Here is an excerpt of what i had to say:
I volunteer because things need to be done.
I have always believed that if you can do, you should.
I believe that volunteering is no different than any paid position. You have the same responsibilities to the organization or people you are volunteering for.
A number of years ago, a president who shall remain nameless, had a vision of how we would make this a better world. He spoke of a thousand points of light. What he actually meant or did with it we won't address. But for me it was a crystallization of what life should be like.
For that to happen, people have to stop expecting that someone else will “do it”, or that they don't have time to get involved.
There can only be so many luminaries, the “names”, the shining stars, the people who get all the glory and are the focus of attention. Much of the real work is done behind the scenes. I have always considered myself to be a worker bee. When needed I have stepped into leadership positions, but I am much more a doer. I want to thank OutReach for their willingness to recognize those of us who are not usually in the spotlight. I am honored to be included in this group of phenomenal individuals. [removed personal thanks]
I am not going to bore you with all of the things I have done, or with my vision for the future. I would like to challenge each of you in this room to make a commitment to change the future by making a volunteer commitment to the organization of your choice. More than just writing a check, which is important, no question. But give something of yourself, your time. That is what will change this world.
It was a good night. Lots of hugs and congrats, lots of kudos, but somehow i was too tired to really enjoy it.
on a side note, I got a personal note and a hug from Tammy Baldwin (US House of Representatives), and a signed certificate from Senator Russ Feingold.
Luckily, I did not have time to get a big head because exhaustion reigned, and the next day was going to begin waaaaaaay too early.
Let it suffice that I am still exhausted, but I will try to share a few bits of it all.
The week was INSANE. Each day brought some new crisis, whether it was for Pride or the banquet. Did manage to see fireworks 3 different nights...makes up for all the years we saw none.
The banquet was a blur. Setup took longer than it should have and there were a few crises there, and getting everyone in the right place with the right meal. The most amazing thing is that people think they can leave messages and emails the day of the banquet, and we are supposed to get them, like we have nothing else to do. By the time I got up to receive my award, I was exhausted.
Our MC was an old friend and a State Assembly member. What he said was sweet, and he gave his bit a personal touch. I didn't stumble with my speech (which amazed me). Here is an excerpt of what i had to say:
I volunteer because things need to be done.
I have always believed that if you can do, you should.
I believe that volunteering is no different than any paid position. You have the same responsibilities to the organization or people you are volunteering for.
A number of years ago, a president who shall remain nameless, had a vision of how we would make this a better world. He spoke of a thousand points of light. What he actually meant or did with it we won't address. But for me it was a crystallization of what life should be like.
For that to happen, people have to stop expecting that someone else will “do it”, or that they don't have time to get involved.
There can only be so many luminaries, the “names”, the shining stars, the people who get all the glory and are the focus of attention. Much of the real work is done behind the scenes. I have always considered myself to be a worker bee. When needed I have stepped into leadership positions, but I am much more a doer. I want to thank OutReach for their willingness to recognize those of us who are not usually in the spotlight. I am honored to be included in this group of phenomenal individuals. [removed personal thanks]
I am not going to bore you with all of the things I have done, or with my vision for the future. I would like to challenge each of you in this room to make a commitment to change the future by making a volunteer commitment to the organization of your choice. More than just writing a check, which is important, no question. But give something of yourself, your time. That is what will change this world.
It was a good night. Lots of hugs and congrats, lots of kudos, but somehow i was too tired to really enjoy it.
on a side note, I got a personal note and a hug from Tammy Baldwin (US House of Representatives), and a signed certificate from Senator Russ Feingold.
Luckily, I did not have time to get a big head because exhaustion reigned, and the next day was going to begin waaaaaaay too early.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Happy Pride to all
My weekend begins tomorrow morning.
Madison, Wisconsin wishes you all a HAPPY PRIDE!
See you after I surface again.
Madison, Wisconsin wishes you all a HAPPY PRIDE!
See you after I surface again.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
An iPod meme - Magic iPod Quiz
I was perusing several blogs today and came across this quiz from Femini Knitty blog. Here we go...
RULES:
1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward for each question
3.) Use the song title as the answer
4.) NO CHEATING!!! What you get is what you get!
1) How am I feeling today?
In My Room Beach Boys
2) Where will I get married?
Higher Ground Barbra Streisand
3) What is my best friend’s theme song?
This Land Is Your Land Peter, Paul & Mary
4) What is/was high school like?
Nipper Meg Christian
5) What is the best thing about me?
Soaring Meg Christian/Cris Williamson
6)How is today going to be?
Hey Baby (They're Playing Our Song) The Buckinghams
7) What is in store for this weekend?
Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me Elton John
8) What song describes my parents?
Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay Otis Redding
9) How is my life going?
Where Do We Go From Here Meg Christian
10) What song will they play at my funeral?
Hal'luyah Debbie Friedman
11) How does the world see me?
The Way I Want To Touch You Captain & Tenille
12) What do my friends really think of me?
I Have A Love Betty Wand (for Rita Moreno) and Marni Nixon (for Natalie Wood)
13) Do people secretly lust after me?
Listen To My Heart Original Off Broadway Cast
14) How can I make myself happy?
He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother Hollies
15) What should I do with my life?
Michael Row The Boat Ashore
16) Will I ever have children?
The Sound of Silence Simon & Garfunkel
17) What is some good advice?
Purple Rain Prince
18) What do I think my current theme song is?
Do YouKnow The Way To San Jose Dionne Warwick
19) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Tin Man America
20) What type of men/women do you like?
Leaving on a Jet Plane Peter, Paul & Mary
21) Will you get married?
Sabbath Prayer Broadway Cast Recording
22) What should I do with my love life?
Good Lovin' The Rascals
24) Where will you live?
I Drove All Night Celine Dion
25) What will your dying words be?
Rhythm Is Gonna Get You Gloria Estefan
26) How’s your day going so far?
So Good, So Right Meg Christian/Cris Williamson
27) How’s your love life?
Far from the Home I Love Broadway Cast Recording
Have fun!
Last year in the back yard
This is a shot that shows the depth of the back yard from the edge of the patio (we were set up for the wedding). The veggie garden is off the photo to the left .
When they put the fencing in, the workers suggested we had more yard than a grade school playground. S'true.
When they put the fencing in, the workers suggested we had more yard than a grade school playground. S'true.
Back yard snaps 6
This is Kbug's favorite garden-the rock garden. Originally built to keep the "nature's paintbrush" wildflower contained, this little garden has the bird feeder, bird bath, and glass ball, some of the paintbrush and a bucket of whatever flowers need a home. The dianthus in there now are also unintentional returnees. All of the stones and glass marbles and river rocks were hand placed in there by our favorite half-pint last summer.
Back yard snaps 5
This was the afterthought garden. Our triangle garden includes some cast offs, a couple of hostas just taking up space, the left over dusty millers from last year (they came back this year....does not usually happen this far north, garden surprises are such fun), there is a buttercup lily, a couple of bushy things at the back I am lost for names on, and then the bucket has some petunias and snow drops. Also strategically placed is the garden block with hand print and ladybugs that was a grandbug gift to G'raNik one birthday. The small girl loves to wander from garden to garden checking out the progress, picking weeds and has done so since the first summer she moved here.
Back yard snaps 4
The veggie garden is going strong, for a late start, they really took off.
It is only zucchini and tomatoes on the bottom, and in the upper tier there are sugar snap peas. Good eats!
It is only zucchini and tomatoes on the bottom, and in the upper tier there are sugar snap peas. Good eats!
Back yard snaps 3
Clematis 'Jackmanii', Butterfly Roses, and coreopsis fill this corner and compete with the weeds from the neighbors yard. It is a brignt spot of color tucked behind a Korean dwarf lilac
Back yard snaps 2
This is the garden box up close and personal.
The lavendar is just popping open, and the hollyhocks are new this year too.
The lavendar is just popping open, and the hollyhocks are new this year too.
Back yard snaps 1
This is the patio, deck and back of the house. The garden boxes off the front of the deck are the starter gardens. Right now they are the home of various hosta, snowdrops, some chives, and some caraway.
The bar on the corner of the patio is a new import from a friend who was giving it away. We hope to put an umbrella over it, and use it when we have company over. the lily's are beginning to bloom and summer is in full swing.
The bar on the corner of the patio is a new import from a friend who was giving it away. We hope to put an umbrella over it, and use it when we have company over. the lily's are beginning to bloom and summer is in full swing.
Back yard snaps
This is the patio, deck and back of the house. The garden boxes off the front of the deck are the starter gardens. Right now they are the home of various hosta, snowdrops, some chives, and some caraway.
The bar on the corner of the patio is a new import from a friend who was giving it away. We hope to put an umbrella over it, and use it when we have company over. the lily's are beginning to bloom and summer is in full swing.
The bar on the corner of the patio is a new import from a friend who was giving it away. We hope to put an umbrella over it, and use it when we have company over. the lily's are beginning to bloom and summer is in full swing.
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