Well all my big plans fell apart. There was no big dinner.....the guest came down with the flu and opted not to share it.
Whew. I had gotten the menu deliberations down to a couple of ethnicities......came up with a couple of drop dead ideas, and then got the word she was sick. We have rescheduled, and I will begin to go through the process once again. Thanks for all your interest and support on this.
But now I was left with a day to myself. We had made alternate plans to go out for a bite of dinner after the State Wrestling Tourney was over. A friend of ours, his partner and N worked it, making personalized tee-shirts, and I would meet them downtown after for food. We went to an Irish pub. It was fun. Keeping in the spirit, I had a beer that hails from Kilkenny, named Smithwick's, and Shepherd's Pie that came with a side of soda bread. Good solid food, a good price, and lots of laughs...but not really an early night.
Prior to dinner (which began at 10pm) I was on my own....usually on a day like that, I will loll in front of the computer, watch strange television and web-wander....and of course graze the great unknown of the fridge to try and satisfy the unknown need. Instead this day I played with a new toy...a loom knitter. got some pretty yarn to make myself a scarf. made a baby hat for the littlest granddaughter, and kept my fingers immersed in yarn all day and evening. rather than putting on the tv, i listened to music all day. next time i have that kind of day, I will have to dedicate it to the craft room organization and playing with the vast selection of items I have down there. It just feels good to do that kind of stuff.
Sunday.....now that was a jam-packed day. left to take my mother out for her 74th birthday. we decided on a chinese buffet. This was a good decision. Usually when the whole place is filled with asian people, you know you have the right place, and indeed we did. had fun with Mom and the food was good. Took her back to the house and decided that we would bring her south to see our niece on the other side of the family in her community theater production of Guy's and Dolls, Jr. A good time was had by all, the kids were thrilled that we came and altho the night ended way too late (we didn't get home till way after midnight, and put over 300 miles on the car), it was all good.
next on the list is helping my mother plan a family reunion for her 75th birthday.....delayed a few months just because Winter is never a good time to have a reunion.
Variations On a Theme By Erik Satie (1st and 2nd Movements) from the album “Blood, Sweat & Tears” by Blood Sweat & Tears
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Food for Thought
Saturday night we had dinner with a friend...and a couple of her friends. As always, this was a good night for food, and wine and talk.
This friend is an awesome cook. I would consider her a foodie, and she knows her food and wine, she has the budget to create and the joy of sharing her creations.
The meal was as always, a masterpiece. pasta with a spicy meat sauce, then tuna with a shredded potato crust and honeyed carrots, then a wonderous cheese tart with a rare honey from Sardinia and a mixed green salad, and finally panne cotta with marinated figs; there were two italian wines, same grapes, one red and one white, and of course espresso with dessert. The palette wanted for nothing.
The conversation was interesting. The other couple there was our hostesses dearest friend from youth, and her girlfriend. An interesting pair, very different from each other but quite enjoyable. The conversation was lively, and as always our hostess was a riot. I do not know anyone who can tell a story the way she can.
Sometimes I feel out of my league with these kinds people. I can usually hold my own in a conversation. If I don't follow the conversation, I have always had the facility to “fake it” well enough to not look like an idiot. I fall into a hole sometimes....sound like i know something i don't really know a thing about...and sometimes i can cover that well enough that i don't look like a total idiot. But the most part I nod and smile and interject when i feel sure of what I am about to say.
Now N has decided that we need to invite our friend over this Saturday...and of course I should cook. Now the panic sets in. “Well she hasn't seen the new living room” True enough. But I should cook for the womon who cooks like a gourmet, in a postage stamp size kitchen, who knows wine as well as I know.....hmmmm better than I know anything. ARGH. I am a home cook....i love to cook, I translated that to a home cooking catering business, but it just does not compete in the gourmet world. Time to search for “the perfect” and “the simple” meal plan. and WINE.....oh dear goddess....I tend to go for the stuff in the box. This will be a challenge.
Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves from the album “New” by Annie Lennox
This friend is an awesome cook. I would consider her a foodie, and she knows her food and wine, she has the budget to create and the joy of sharing her creations.
The meal was as always, a masterpiece. pasta with a spicy meat sauce, then tuna with a shredded potato crust and honeyed carrots, then a wonderous cheese tart with a rare honey from Sardinia and a mixed green salad, and finally panne cotta with marinated figs; there were two italian wines, same grapes, one red and one white, and of course espresso with dessert. The palette wanted for nothing.
The conversation was interesting. The other couple there was our hostesses dearest friend from youth, and her girlfriend. An interesting pair, very different from each other but quite enjoyable. The conversation was lively, and as always our hostess was a riot. I do not know anyone who can tell a story the way she can.
Sometimes I feel out of my league with these kinds people. I can usually hold my own in a conversation. If I don't follow the conversation, I have always had the facility to “fake it” well enough to not look like an idiot. I fall into a hole sometimes....sound like i know something i don't really know a thing about...and sometimes i can cover that well enough that i don't look like a total idiot. But the most part I nod and smile and interject when i feel sure of what I am about to say.
Now N has decided that we need to invite our friend over this Saturday...and of course I should cook. Now the panic sets in. “Well she hasn't seen the new living room” True enough. But I should cook for the womon who cooks like a gourmet, in a postage stamp size kitchen, who knows wine as well as I know.....hmmmm better than I know anything. ARGH. I am a home cook....i love to cook, I translated that to a home cooking catering business, but it just does not compete in the gourmet world. Time to search for “the perfect” and “the simple” meal plan. and WINE.....oh dear goddess....I tend to go for the stuff in the box. This will be a challenge.
Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves from the album “New” by Annie Lennox
I love my children enough to be willing to not be the popular one...
This is a direct quote from Judi at HeartSong . She has traveled a long and difficult path, to come out from under into the sun...and the love of herself and her beautiful partner Virginia. I read her blog for the inspiration in her words and her journey, and for her beautiful artwork. Often there are thoughts and feelings that i understand, sympathize or empathize with, and sometimes, there is something that reaches deep inside my life, and resonates. this touched deeply.
Its tough to be a single parent, to make all the choices, to make all the rules, to be the enforcer. It was my choice.I needed to show my children that I had the strength to follow my own convictions. I needed them to know that when I finally said, “if you don't stop, I have to leave you” that i would be true to my word. This was what I told myself anyway. I don't know if they will ever understand.
Right now, i am dealing with a situation where my daughter is in serious trouble mentally and emotionally. There is no one in her life that will stand up to her and tell her so. Her daughter, my angel is only almost 5, her husband of less than a year is terrified she will leave him so will say nothing that she doesn't want to hear, her father has never been willing to say no for fear of loosing his children (and it is rocking his marriage). I am not currently in the position mostly because she won't take my calls (a usual trick of hers) and the people feeding me information (those close to her) prefer to stay out of it, because when it turns ugly, she (daughter) will be vicious to anything in her path or anyone she perceives has done her wrong.
Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter without question, when she is good, she is very good. But when she is not, she is scary. I no longer have the ways, the access, or even the means to stop her. She always avoids me when she is headed in this direction...she does not want to be stopped.
I just don't know where to go. Going to her father has never worked before. He won't risk falling out of favor, even if it is important for his child that he take that risk. She has alienated everyone else.
I guess the universe is telling me there is nothing I can do. But i worry still. My daughter, my grand daughter, the step kids (also my grandchildren, with a little less history but a lot more at stake), my son-in-law....will all be affected.....and if the universe is perverse enough there could be an innocent unborn at risk as well.
Isn't It A Pity? from the album “A Love Like Ours” by Barbra Streisand
Its tough to be a single parent, to make all the choices, to make all the rules, to be the enforcer. It was my choice.I needed to show my children that I had the strength to follow my own convictions. I needed them to know that when I finally said, “if you don't stop, I have to leave you” that i would be true to my word. This was what I told myself anyway. I don't know if they will ever understand.
Right now, i am dealing with a situation where my daughter is in serious trouble mentally and emotionally. There is no one in her life that will stand up to her and tell her so. Her daughter, my angel is only almost 5, her husband of less than a year is terrified she will leave him so will say nothing that she doesn't want to hear, her father has never been willing to say no for fear of loosing his children (and it is rocking his marriage). I am not currently in the position mostly because she won't take my calls (a usual trick of hers) and the people feeding me information (those close to her) prefer to stay out of it, because when it turns ugly, she (daughter) will be vicious to anything in her path or anyone she perceives has done her wrong.
Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter without question, when she is good, she is very good. But when she is not, she is scary. I no longer have the ways, the access, or even the means to stop her. She always avoids me when she is headed in this direction...she does not want to be stopped.
I just don't know where to go. Going to her father has never worked before. He won't risk falling out of favor, even if it is important for his child that he take that risk. She has alienated everyone else.
I guess the universe is telling me there is nothing I can do. But i worry still. My daughter, my grand daughter, the step kids (also my grandchildren, with a little less history but a lot more at stake), my son-in-law....will all be affected.....and if the universe is perverse enough there could be an innocent unborn at risk as well.
Isn't It A Pity? from the album “A Love Like Ours” by Barbra Streisand
Friday, February 17, 2006
Johari Window
An interesting thing, this meme. It relies on people choosing character traits they think you have to talk about the kind of person you are. I am going to do it anyway....just out of curiousity, but I wonder how much people can tell about someone just by reading what they put into their blogs? It should be interesting.
Please, the address is the clickable link is just below:
Johari's Window
Thanks
Please, the address is the clickable link is just below:
Johari's Window
Thanks
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Snow Day
Well for the first time in years and years the snow has actually shut the town down.
The shopping malls closed down, buisness closed down, daycares closed doors and staff sent home. We are a college town, and even the University & tech college canceled classes. Most surprising, the public schools were closed at 5am. First time for that in over 5 years.
I vegged out most of the day, mid-day after the major snows stopped, I got bundled up to do some shoveling, but two-thirds of the way through I burned out, the winds were kicking in, the plows won't be here till tomorrow (cul-de-sac's are always the last to be plowed).
We are now fighting arctic winds and light snow, for those who are not snow bunnies, this equals drifts of wind-packed snow, in beautiful sculptures. It's also very hard to keep up with in the clearing roads and walk ways efforts, so the plows will call it a night by 8pm and begin again at 4 in the morning.
Its a normal response,all the hustle and bustle of cleanup, driving home in the midst of it was a normal response (i have been doing it all my life)to being out in it, but the general attitude of everyone in hearing distance makes it sound like something so much more. How the world has changed.
The shopping malls closed down, buisness closed down, daycares closed doors and staff sent home. We are a college town, and even the University & tech college canceled classes. Most surprising, the public schools were closed at 5am. First time for that in over 5 years.
I vegged out most of the day, mid-day after the major snows stopped, I got bundled up to do some shoveling, but two-thirds of the way through I burned out, the winds were kicking in, the plows won't be here till tomorrow (cul-de-sac's are always the last to be plowed).
We are now fighting arctic winds and light snow, for those who are not snow bunnies, this equals drifts of wind-packed snow, in beautiful sculptures. It's also very hard to keep up with in the clearing roads and walk ways efforts, so the plows will call it a night by 8pm and begin again at 4 in the morning.
Its a normal response,all the hustle and bustle of cleanup, driving home in the midst of it was a normal response (i have been doing it all my life)to being out in it, but the general attitude of everyone in hearing distance makes it sound like something so much more. How the world has changed.
Blustery Day
Pooh never saw a blustery day like this one.
The snow began last night...big, light, fluffy flakes, coming down fast and hard. Five inches on my car when I came out of my meeting. When I went in, it had not yet begun to snow, 3 hours later, a winter wonder land. Snowing hard and fast, there were a couple of mini “white-outs” and lots of idiots on the roads, tails fishing in the sipperyness,
This morning, when I woke, the snow had stopped, but schools were still closed, and the new weather was on its way. Within the hour the flakes began again..and just a few moments ago...Thundersnow! and now its coming down like nobodies business. could be up to another 6 inches.
WOOOOHOOOOO
we will get a winter afterall!
The snow began last night...big, light, fluffy flakes, coming down fast and hard. Five inches on my car when I came out of my meeting. When I went in, it had not yet begun to snow, 3 hours later, a winter wonder land. Snowing hard and fast, there were a couple of mini “white-outs” and lots of idiots on the roads, tails fishing in the sipperyness,
This morning, when I woke, the snow had stopped, but schools were still closed, and the new weather was on its way. Within the hour the flakes began again..and just a few moments ago...Thundersnow! and now its coming down like nobodies business. could be up to another 6 inches.
WOOOOHOOOOO
we will get a winter afterall!
Friday, February 10, 2006
Imagine You & Me
It must be a strange convergence of something in the universe.
I have been to the theater twice in the last 30 days...
First to see Brokeback Mountain.
Last night to see Imagine You & Me....a preview screening.
It was fun. It was free, the theater was packed. It was a mixed house....lots of straight couples, lots of gay couples and a good share of singles.
It was a lightweight film...nothing particularly moving beyond the tugs of the heart here and there. It was well done. say the people who know what that means (i haven't ever studied film or direction or critique so i have no clue about the tricks that movie makers use to get the response they want). This was light, sweet, a love at first sight story. The biggest disappointment was that the two women didn't really make convincing lesbians....they had no dyke energy. But again, I do not think this was really intended for a lesbian audience. I think it was meant for the st8 crowd.
It's more about making lesbians and gays more common place...less “unknown”, and less different. It's about the common place lives that all of us live (when we arent being activists). But think about it....all we are asking the world for is to treat us no differently than our str8 counterparts. The more those folks realize we are really no different from them....we just have a few variations on a theme...the more they will be willing to stand with us and not against us.
At the same time here in my town we have had a gay teen bashed in one major mall, and a homophobic response to that from the mall on the other side of town that limited participation in a Valentine's Day event to opposite sex couples for the “safety and comfort of our customers”.
This in the most liberal city in the state....
I have been to the theater twice in the last 30 days...
First to see Brokeback Mountain.
Last night to see Imagine You & Me....a preview screening.
It was fun. It was free, the theater was packed. It was a mixed house....lots of straight couples, lots of gay couples and a good share of singles.
It was a lightweight film...nothing particularly moving beyond the tugs of the heart here and there. It was well done. say the people who know what that means (i haven't ever studied film or direction or critique so i have no clue about the tricks that movie makers use to get the response they want). This was light, sweet, a love at first sight story. The biggest disappointment was that the two women didn't really make convincing lesbians....they had no dyke energy. But again, I do not think this was really intended for a lesbian audience. I think it was meant for the st8 crowd.
It's more about making lesbians and gays more common place...less “unknown”, and less different. It's about the common place lives that all of us live (when we arent being activists). But think about it....all we are asking the world for is to treat us no differently than our str8 counterparts. The more those folks realize we are really no different from them....we just have a few variations on a theme...the more they will be willing to stand with us and not against us.
At the same time here in my town we have had a gay teen bashed in one major mall, and a homophobic response to that from the mall on the other side of town that limited participation in a Valentine's Day event to opposite sex couples for the “safety and comfort of our customers”.
This in the most liberal city in the state....
questions and answers
Answer the questions and put them on your blog.....
let me know if you do with a link in the comments.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6a, before the alarm
2. What do you prefer diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. Do you have a pet? Majik the moose dog
4. What is your favorite TV show? the food network, the soap network, The L Word
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? nothing
6. What is your middle name? Marie
7. What is your favorite food? broiled lobster tail with melted butter
8. What foods do you dislike? sauerkraut, herring, pickled beets
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Ruffles
10. What is your favorite CD at this moment? my iPod has 1300 songs on it!
11. What kind of car do you drive? Taurus
12. What is your favorite sandwich? BLT (double bacon, whole-wheat bread, not toast, Miracle Whip, not mayo)
13. What characteristic do you despise? meanness, pettiness, greed
14. What is your favorite item/outfit you like to wear? jeans and a flannel/jean shirt with a turtleneck in winter, jean shorts, tank top, overshirt in summer
15. Where would you like to travel? British Isles (all of them), some bits of Europe, Australia, New Zealand, all over the US & Canada, the Islands of the world.....i would just like to travel!
16. What color is your bathroom? one is greens, blues and lavenders, the other is blues.
17. What is you favorite brand of clothing? not a brand type person, but with money and the right body shape, i would be into Ralph Lauren's styles
18. What location would you like to retire? I would love to travel, with a home base right where i am!
19. What is your favorite sport to watch? college sports are really the only ones i will watch and even then rarely
20. What is your favorite sport to play? spectator/fan
21. What type of detergent do you use?? Tide with bleach.
22. What is your goal in life at this moment? find a job to enjoy and stay in for a while.
23. What size shoe do you wear? 10 wide
24. Favorite Candy Bar? Midnight Milky Way (dark chocolate, nougat, caramel, Skor
25. When is your birthday? March 15
26. Your favorite flower? daffodils, yellow roses
27. Are you a morning or a night person? both depending on my obligations.
28. What was your childhood dream of becoming? mother and teacher
29. How are you today? doing ok....a bit tired.
30. What are you most afraid of? being destitute, unable to take care of myself
31. What is the most recent movie that you've seen in a theatre? Imagine You & Me
32. Have you ever seen a ghost? nope
33. Where were you born? Evanston, IL
34. Favorite day of the week: depends on the week.
35. Favorite Restaurant: hmmmmm too many to choose from
36. Favorite Drink: Diet Dr Pepper
37. Favorite ice cream: Vanilla with chocolate covered toffee bits.
38. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney
39. Bedtime: when ever i crash. can be 10p or 3a
40. What are you listening to right now: tv in the background
41. What are your favorite colors: purples, blues
42. How many tattoos do you have: 0
43. What would you like to accomplish before you die? to have enough. not too much, not too little.....just enough
44. What triggers the strongest memory for you? the smell of something is what gets to me the strongest
45. You have been invited to a VIP dinner, what would you wear (money is no option)? Long, black and slinky with a jacket or top that flows and has just a hint of color or sparkle, and strappy shoes....or a perfectly tailored tux and basic black heels.
46. Laptop or desk top? laptop currently, desktop is still there but outdated.
47. Sunrise or Sunset? tough one. each has its moment, probably sunset.
48. Mac or PC? Mac, always!
49. Worst job you have had in your life? “corporate” in a cubicle, blech.
50. What color underwear are you wearing? black with white waistband
51. Ever been toilet papered? i raised 3 kids....of course!
52. Croutons or bacon bits? neither, sunflower seeds
53. Favorite fast food restaurant? used to be Wendys, now Arby's
54. What color are your bedroom walls? lavendar
55. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 2 times
56. What do you do most often when you are bored? sit at the computer, reading.
let me know if you do with a link in the comments.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6a, before the alarm
2. What do you prefer diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. Do you have a pet? Majik the moose dog
4. What is your favorite TV show? the food network, the soap network, The L Word
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? nothing
6. What is your middle name? Marie
7. What is your favorite food? broiled lobster tail with melted butter
8. What foods do you dislike? sauerkraut, herring, pickled beets
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Ruffles
10. What is your favorite CD at this moment? my iPod has 1300 songs on it!
11. What kind of car do you drive? Taurus
12. What is your favorite sandwich? BLT (double bacon, whole-wheat bread, not toast, Miracle Whip, not mayo)
13. What characteristic do you despise? meanness, pettiness, greed
14. What is your favorite item/outfit you like to wear? jeans and a flannel/jean shirt with a turtleneck in winter, jean shorts, tank top, overshirt in summer
15. Where would you like to travel? British Isles (all of them), some bits of Europe, Australia, New Zealand, all over the US & Canada, the Islands of the world.....i would just like to travel!
16. What color is your bathroom? one is greens, blues and lavenders, the other is blues.
17. What is you favorite brand of clothing? not a brand type person, but with money and the right body shape, i would be into Ralph Lauren's styles
18. What location would you like to retire? I would love to travel, with a home base right where i am!
19. What is your favorite sport to watch? college sports are really the only ones i will watch and even then rarely
20. What is your favorite sport to play? spectator/fan
21. What type of detergent do you use?? Tide with bleach.
22. What is your goal in life at this moment? find a job to enjoy and stay in for a while.
23. What size shoe do you wear? 10 wide
24. Favorite Candy Bar? Midnight Milky Way (dark chocolate, nougat, caramel, Skor
25. When is your birthday? March 15
26. Your favorite flower? daffodils, yellow roses
27. Are you a morning or a night person? both depending on my obligations.
28. What was your childhood dream of becoming? mother and teacher
29. How are you today? doing ok....a bit tired.
30. What are you most afraid of? being destitute, unable to take care of myself
31. What is the most recent movie that you've seen in a theatre? Imagine You & Me
32. Have you ever seen a ghost? nope
33. Where were you born? Evanston, IL
34. Favorite day of the week: depends on the week.
35. Favorite Restaurant: hmmmmm too many to choose from
36. Favorite Drink: Diet Dr Pepper
37. Favorite ice cream: Vanilla with chocolate covered toffee bits.
38. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney
39. Bedtime: when ever i crash. can be 10p or 3a
40. What are you listening to right now: tv in the background
41. What are your favorite colors: purples, blues
42. How many tattoos do you have: 0
43. What would you like to accomplish before you die? to have enough. not too much, not too little.....just enough
44. What triggers the strongest memory for you? the smell of something is what gets to me the strongest
45. You have been invited to a VIP dinner, what would you wear (money is no option)? Long, black and slinky with a jacket or top that flows and has just a hint of color or sparkle, and strappy shoes....or a perfectly tailored tux and basic black heels.
46. Laptop or desk top? laptop currently, desktop is still there but outdated.
47. Sunrise or Sunset? tough one. each has its moment, probably sunset.
48. Mac or PC? Mac, always!
49. Worst job you have had in your life? “corporate” in a cubicle, blech.
50. What color underwear are you wearing? black with white waistband
51. Ever been toilet papered? i raised 3 kids....of course!
52. Croutons or bacon bits? neither, sunflower seeds
53. Favorite fast food restaurant? used to be Wendys, now Arby's
54. What color are your bedroom walls? lavendar
55. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 2 times
56. What do you do most often when you are bored? sit at the computer, reading.
Sky Dances
This song is so visual for me. The music and the words just resonate. The song energizes me. It is one of those that I can play in the car or at home by myself and belt it out....and feel fantastic. (turns out its also one of the precious grandaughter's fave's since she was old enough to listen, too)
I adore Holly Near in the first place. She is gorgeous, has a fantastic voice, has her politics in the right place.... This music “speaks to me” in a way i find difficult to explain.
The album (yes, I still call them that) is one of my favorites. it has so many songs in it that touch me deeply. When I first got it, I was hooked. The songs below are the ones from the original. You cant get it anymore, but most of the songs are on other disks. (links are to the lyrics i could find)
Sun Won't Stop
To Raise The Morning Star (written by Bruce Cockburn)
Testimony (written by Ferron)
They Are Falling All Around Me (written by Bernice Johnson Reagon)
Sky Dances
Nicaragua Night
Letter, The
No More Songs
Don't Let The Singer Down
I Wish You Were Here
Over The Rainbow
I played the song “They are falling all around me” for my family when my grandfather died, it had us all in tears, but when i had gone to see him just before he died, that song kept jumping out at me. When “Sky Dances” came on it reminded me that my grandparents loved to dance, and the little kid in me pictured my grandparents now dancing across the sky.
Sky Dances from the album “Sky Dances” by Holly Near
I adore Holly Near in the first place. She is gorgeous, has a fantastic voice, has her politics in the right place.... This music “speaks to me” in a way i find difficult to explain.
The album (yes, I still call them that) is one of my favorites. it has so many songs in it that touch me deeply. When I first got it, I was hooked. The songs below are the ones from the original. You cant get it anymore, but most of the songs are on other disks. (links are to the lyrics i could find)
I played the song “They are falling all around me” for my family when my grandfather died, it had us all in tears, but when i had gone to see him just before he died, that song kept jumping out at me. When “Sky Dances” came on it reminded me that my grandparents loved to dance, and the little kid in me pictured my grandparents now dancing across the sky.
Sky Dances from the album “Sky Dances” by Holly Near
Hibernating
Today i would prefer to just pull the walls in around me and isolate completely.
I feel like the last two weeks have pulled me in 86 different directions, I have had barely a few moments to myself, and even those were tinged with total exhaustion. I am still totally exhausted, but I need to take the time. The phone keeps ringing....and i don't answer it. People want me, they want something from me. I just dont have it to give right now.
It is only going to be a short day of peace....my network has gone kafloooooy and my guru will probably show up tonight....hopefully without the BF i am not really thrilled with at the moment.
so at least for a little while i am going to be a slug....not exactly a slug, but at least a hermit for a half a day or so.
Maria from the album “A Step Away” by Teresa Trull
I feel like the last two weeks have pulled me in 86 different directions, I have had barely a few moments to myself, and even those were tinged with total exhaustion. I am still totally exhausted, but I need to take the time. The phone keeps ringing....and i don't answer it. People want me, they want something from me. I just dont have it to give right now.
It is only going to be a short day of peace....my network has gone kafloooooy and my guru will probably show up tonight....hopefully without the BF i am not really thrilled with at the moment.
so at least for a little while i am going to be a slug....not exactly a slug, but at least a hermit for a half a day or so.
Maria from the album “A Step Away” by Teresa Trull
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Two things to work on-Personal Challenge
There are two issues in my life that i need to put some significant energy into, making some changes in the way i do things....but most importantly, the way i think.
The first is that i need to stop doing other peoples work for them, whether or not its something that needs to be done (thats where i get caught most of the time). I inevitably get involved in things where people need the skills and knowledge I offer, but most often they i allow them to take advantage of the fact that I can do or do know. Why? because of the lack of that stupid piece of paper that says I have the right to be respected for (or paid for) the knowledge I have.
The other is learning to take breaks. This issue seems rather light on the surface, but in my reality, its a major issue. I just downloaded a program to remind me to “take a break” to stretch and move away from the computer. I thought it was a great idea. When I told my friend about it, she laughed herself silly. I felt silly. But the truth is, I do not know when to take a break.....or really, I choose to push past the need to take a break because I feel like i have to prove something...either to myself or to someone else.
But this is all off the top of my head....needs more reflection. When I have the time to think it through, I will share more.
The first is that i need to stop doing other peoples work for them, whether or not its something that needs to be done (thats where i get caught most of the time). I inevitably get involved in things where people need the skills and knowledge I offer, but most often they i allow them to take advantage of the fact that I can do or do know. Why? because of the lack of that stupid piece of paper that says I have the right to be respected for (or paid for) the knowledge I have.
The other is learning to take breaks. This issue seems rather light on the surface, but in my reality, its a major issue. I just downloaded a program to remind me to “take a break” to stretch and move away from the computer. I thought it was a great idea. When I told my friend about it, she laughed herself silly. I felt silly. But the truth is, I do not know when to take a break.....or really, I choose to push past the need to take a break because I feel like i have to prove something...either to myself or to someone else.
But this is all off the top of my head....needs more reflection. When I have the time to think it through, I will share more.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
I am such a ......
fill in the blank with what every word you use.
i have hours worth of paperwork to do, and i am sitting here watching sappy movies, and tearing up...I have watched Ice Princess and now Ella Enchanted. Dumb movies, but heart touchers, and i love them.
i have hours of paperwork to do, and my thumb, wrist and lower arm are just burning. I went to bed last night almost in tears. I am guessing that its some kind of RSI. Living with what ever someone else is getting rid of does not lend itself to good ergonomics. my desk is too high, my wrists are pressed against the edge of the desk. could have something to do with it. Working most days with no mouse, just the track pad, might be why it is affecting my thumb only. the logical response would be to go to the doc and have it checked out, but with no insurance, that is not a viable option. SO......
to the internet i come. I have downloaded a little program that will make me take breaks, and have checked out some exercises. I am trying to work with the laptop balanced on a little stool that will put it at the correct height. Course, i can't use the mouse from here, and spreading out is impossible. Whine, Whine, Whine.
need to do more research. this hurts.
i am tired of one nagging thing after another.....this is what getting old is all about. grrrrrrrrr
Karma from the album “Music to Live By” by Alicia Keys
i have hours worth of paperwork to do, and i am sitting here watching sappy movies, and tearing up...I have watched Ice Princess and now Ella Enchanted. Dumb movies, but heart touchers, and i love them.
i have hours of paperwork to do, and my thumb, wrist and lower arm are just burning. I went to bed last night almost in tears. I am guessing that its some kind of RSI. Living with what ever someone else is getting rid of does not lend itself to good ergonomics. my desk is too high, my wrists are pressed against the edge of the desk. could have something to do with it. Working most days with no mouse, just the track pad, might be why it is affecting my thumb only. the logical response would be to go to the doc and have it checked out, but with no insurance, that is not a viable option. SO......
to the internet i come. I have downloaded a little program that will make me take breaks, and have checked out some exercises. I am trying to work with the laptop balanced on a little stool that will put it at the correct height. Course, i can't use the mouse from here, and spreading out is impossible. Whine, Whine, Whine.
need to do more research. this hurts.
i am tired of one nagging thing after another.....this is what getting old is all about. grrrrrrrrr
Karma from the album “Music to Live By” by Alicia Keys
Saturday, February 04, 2006
a week of .....
now is when winter (with or without snow) gets tedious.
this year has not offered a lot of real “winter”. the weather has been decidedly spring like, with more rain and 40 degree days than should ever be expected in a wisconsin winter. yesterday it was rain and sweatshirt weather. this morning there is a thin layer of snow on the ground, that may or may not last the day.
its been a long week. juggling 2 part time jobs is not easy, especially when they are both stressful. and no they probably wouldn't be stressful if i didn't give a damn, but that attitude is a part of my personality....and something i value in myself. so it seems like i am my own worst enemy there.
this week has seen too many hours, 12 and 14 hour days spent trying to solve problems that i didn't create but have been hired to do the detail work for.
everything seems to be double edged in my world right now. i finally got word about the job I had interviewed for....no, I am not being considered. But the information came in a personal call from the director, who sounded sincerely disappointed that those who would be going forward in the process had more technical experience than I had, but they would have enjoyed working with me. i shared this information with one friend who was sad for me but glad for her because it meant i would continue to be available for my second part time job...which helps her out. the other friend i told was angry on my behalf. but none of it changes the reality.
And I am not sure how i feel....disappointed, yes. I would have liked working there, good people, good reasons for doing the job, lots of good. but if it was not meant to be, who am i to argue. It just means that the stress of working two jobs and having no benefits will continue for a while longer. I guess i have to continue to trust the universe to show me the right direction.....again.
Now if i could only convince myself that it will all work out ok.....i would be fine (and i might get over the raw bits on my scalp and forehead that tend to appear when the stress is getting to me)
and the observation to close this post....its snowing again :) slowly, quietly.
this year has not offered a lot of real “winter”. the weather has been decidedly spring like, with more rain and 40 degree days than should ever be expected in a wisconsin winter. yesterday it was rain and sweatshirt weather. this morning there is a thin layer of snow on the ground, that may or may not last the day.
its been a long week. juggling 2 part time jobs is not easy, especially when they are both stressful. and no they probably wouldn't be stressful if i didn't give a damn, but that attitude is a part of my personality....and something i value in myself. so it seems like i am my own worst enemy there.
this week has seen too many hours, 12 and 14 hour days spent trying to solve problems that i didn't create but have been hired to do the detail work for.
everything seems to be double edged in my world right now. i finally got word about the job I had interviewed for....no, I am not being considered. But the information came in a personal call from the director, who sounded sincerely disappointed that those who would be going forward in the process had more technical experience than I had, but they would have enjoyed working with me. i shared this information with one friend who was sad for me but glad for her because it meant i would continue to be available for my second part time job...which helps her out. the other friend i told was angry on my behalf. but none of it changes the reality.
And I am not sure how i feel....disappointed, yes. I would have liked working there, good people, good reasons for doing the job, lots of good. but if it was not meant to be, who am i to argue. It just means that the stress of working two jobs and having no benefits will continue for a while longer. I guess i have to continue to trust the universe to show me the right direction.....again.
Now if i could only convince myself that it will all work out ok.....i would be fine (and i might get over the raw bits on my scalp and forehead that tend to appear when the stress is getting to me)
and the observation to close this post....its snowing again :) slowly, quietly.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Thirty-two years ago, today...
...this moment(7am), I was wandering my apartment, bemoaning the fact that I had not shampooed the hair that cascaded down my back, in the midst of what would become the worst snow storm of the season, in full labor with my first child.
Two weeks prior, on my due date, I was sure i was in labor, but it was only gas. So at 3 in the morning again i woke, and was sure it was gas, again. After a few hours of twinges, tweaks, cramps and full blown contractions, I got up and called my mom. I paced, I whimpered, I breathed, my family disposition towards lower GI issues in a crisis was in full bloom, so the bathroom was my favorite room. I tried to come up with ways to shampoo my hair, but the old claw footed tub in the antique bathroom was not friendly to very pregnant women in labor, so that did not work. It finally was time to call the doc...who, of course, suggested I get my tail to the hospital.
Walking in a Wisconsin blizzard while hugely pregnant is a real joy, but in full out labor.....does the phrase “weebles wobble but they don't fall down” bring any picture to mind? We managed to get downtown, I have no memory of the trip or the check-in, by that time I was in hard labor. The next 4 hours was a blur. I remember being told I could not use the bathroom, and the other option (a bed pan) was comical, the medical student attempting to put something in my arm via needle, had difficulties with the equipment.....walked away with a tourniquet on my arm and a needle still in the muscle (which i removed), and the little girl in the next bed (i mean little, she was younger than 16) was in labor too, and most of south-eastern wisconsin knew it. They kept telling me I could make noise if I needed to, but I knew the room could not contain anything more than she was making.
my first born greeted the world before the noon hour was over, officially 12:57pm. As I was informed that I had a healthy son, incredulously i requested that they prove it. I was soooo sure i was carrying a little girl, i wanted more proof than fingers and toes. But a son I had. 9lb, 10oz, 22 and a half inches long. The groundhog could not see his shadow for the snow in Feb. '72. The hospital staff was stuck at the hospital and there were suits delivering meals that next morning because no one came in or left. The first day of the rest of our lives.
I learned all about boys, happy babies, and deep sleepers (i should have known back then) through the next years. my son and I survived much over the years. Right now he is living where the groundhog said more winter and I am living where the groundhog said early spring.
Happy Birthday “Son”shine.
100 Years from the album “The Battle for Everything” by Five for Fighting
Two weeks prior, on my due date, I was sure i was in labor, but it was only gas. So at 3 in the morning again i woke, and was sure it was gas, again. After a few hours of twinges, tweaks, cramps and full blown contractions, I got up and called my mom. I paced, I whimpered, I breathed, my family disposition towards lower GI issues in a crisis was in full bloom, so the bathroom was my favorite room. I tried to come up with ways to shampoo my hair, but the old claw footed tub in the antique bathroom was not friendly to very pregnant women in labor, so that did not work. It finally was time to call the doc...who, of course, suggested I get my tail to the hospital.
Walking in a Wisconsin blizzard while hugely pregnant is a real joy, but in full out labor.....does the phrase “weebles wobble but they don't fall down” bring any picture to mind? We managed to get downtown, I have no memory of the trip or the check-in, by that time I was in hard labor. The next 4 hours was a blur. I remember being told I could not use the bathroom, and the other option (a bed pan) was comical, the medical student attempting to put something in my arm via needle, had difficulties with the equipment.....walked away with a tourniquet on my arm and a needle still in the muscle (which i removed), and the little girl in the next bed (i mean little, she was younger than 16) was in labor too, and most of south-eastern wisconsin knew it. They kept telling me I could make noise if I needed to, but I knew the room could not contain anything more than she was making.
my first born greeted the world before the noon hour was over, officially 12:57pm. As I was informed that I had a healthy son, incredulously i requested that they prove it. I was soooo sure i was carrying a little girl, i wanted more proof than fingers and toes. But a son I had. 9lb, 10oz, 22 and a half inches long. The groundhog could not see his shadow for the snow in Feb. '72. The hospital staff was stuck at the hospital and there were suits delivering meals that next morning because no one came in or left. The first day of the rest of our lives.
I learned all about boys, happy babies, and deep sleepers (i should have known back then) through the next years. my son and I survived much over the years. Right now he is living where the groundhog said more winter and I am living where the groundhog said early spring.
Happy Birthday “Son”shine.
100 Years from the album “The Battle for Everything” by Five for Fighting
Alleys
I grew up in a neighborhood of mixed architecture. many some of the homes were 50's midwest tract homes. peas in a pod. 5 different looks outside and maybe 3 different layouts with some variations on a theme. there were a few ringers thrown in, brick matchbox houses. But for the most, we had standard sized ranch homes. but our little subdivision (3 streets wide, one block long) was unique. 2 streets had homes backed up to each other, by my street had an alley.
i am not sure what makes the designers of neighborhoods decide to put in alleys, or why they don't, it could be a space issue....it could be an issue of design concept, but its interesting to see where there are alleys and where not. I liked having an alley. It was a safe place to learn to ride a bike (the only time there was traffic was at supper time when all the dads came home from work). You never have to leave your trash in the front of the house for the world to see.
there are some new “subdivisions” being designed around my town, trying to recapture that feeling of older days, more open spaces, and alleys.
i just don't think it works.
i am not sure what makes the designers of neighborhoods decide to put in alleys, or why they don't, it could be a space issue....it could be an issue of design concept, but its interesting to see where there are alleys and where not. I liked having an alley. It was a safe place to learn to ride a bike (the only time there was traffic was at supper time when all the dads came home from work). You never have to leave your trash in the front of the house for the world to see.
there are some new “subdivisions” being designed around my town, trying to recapture that feeling of older days, more open spaces, and alleys.
i just don't think it works.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
WORDS
I have a particular love of words. i think words can express what we feel and what we think if chosen properly, i think that words and how they are spoken say a lot about a person.
i have a thing about correctly pronounced words. I do not take issue with the regional differences in speaking (roof with a short o or a long double o is very regional, about or aboot, again very regional). I do take major offense at words that have accepted pronounciation based on their spelling being totally mangled.....and worse yet, by newscasters and public officials.
Once again speaking to the nation our Prez managed to misspeak one of those words that always trips my trigger. Nuclear is NOT pronounced Nook-U-lar. the correct pronunciation is nook-lee-er. But the man says it wrong every time. So do most newscasters. So the prime example of how to speak the word is teaching the world, by example, to misspeak. and in my opinion look like a ignorant slop-speaker! And that includes every newscaster who mispronounces the word as well.
There is another word that makes me almost as crazy. The person who helps you buy a house, a realtor is a real-tor, not a re-lit-or.
There are others that make me cringe, but it's too early in the morning for me to make myself think of them.
I have other idiosyncrasies where it comes to words and language usage. I get crazy over words used inappropriately, I use my dictionary constantly and if I don't know whether the word really fits the meaning I intend, i will not use it. I also like to use the correct word...not misconceived words (people who know me personally know that this does not stop me from making up words....I love to do that....usually descriptors for something and very personal...like scoopity-scoopity-refering to what is commonly known as a bakers scraper, but often used to scoop chopped items from the cutting board to the pot, hence my word). There is actually a whole blog dedicated to the words that drive me batty about called The Eggcorn Database
I was raised to believe that words were important tools for expression but that they were reflective of who we are as well.
Like in most areas of my life....a unique perspective i guess.
i have a thing about correctly pronounced words. I do not take issue with the regional differences in speaking (roof with a short o or a long double o is very regional, about or aboot, again very regional). I do take major offense at words that have accepted pronounciation based on their spelling being totally mangled.....and worse yet, by newscasters and public officials.
Once again speaking to the nation our Prez managed to misspeak one of those words that always trips my trigger. Nuclear is NOT pronounced Nook-U-lar. the correct pronunciation is nook-lee-er. But the man says it wrong every time. So do most newscasters. So the prime example of how to speak the word is teaching the world, by example, to misspeak. and in my opinion look like a ignorant slop-speaker! And that includes every newscaster who mispronounces the word as well.
There is another word that makes me almost as crazy. The person who helps you buy a house, a realtor is a real-tor, not a re-lit-or.
There are others that make me cringe, but it's too early in the morning for me to make myself think of them.
I have other idiosyncrasies where it comes to words and language usage. I get crazy over words used inappropriately, I use my dictionary constantly and if I don't know whether the word really fits the meaning I intend, i will not use it. I also like to use the correct word...not misconceived words (people who know me personally know that this does not stop me from making up words....I love to do that....usually descriptors for something and very personal...like scoopity-scoopity-refering to what is commonly known as a bakers scraper, but often used to scoop chopped items from the cutting board to the pot, hence my word). There is actually a whole blog dedicated to the words that drive me batty about called The Eggcorn Database
I was raised to believe that words were important tools for expression but that they were reflective of who we are as well.
Like in most areas of my life....a unique perspective i guess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
