This is a concept I do not understand. The womon claims to be a lesbian. But she remains married. There are no extenuating circumstances like health issues or even children. She stays married to a man who hates gay people and plays around with women, having affairs and lying to her husband. In my book, that makes her a scam artist.Once I was on a lesbian email list and there was a woman who was married and when I asked her about it onlist, she was defensive and said she had her reasons and didn;t want to talk about it. When I pushed the issue a little, I was roundly attacked by her friends. I left that list soon after. For me being a lesbian is not a choice, but living as a lesbian is. I choose to live as a lesbian. It means I have access to many things, and it means I am excluded from many things. For those who choose to stay closeted, they have to do what is right for them. But the ones who straddle both sides of the fence....take from both sides and give back to none.Then you have a creep like Foley....talk about playing both sides. Republican, solidly in the camp of the extremists, fighting the pedophiles, Mr Staunch. and in reality he is a highly closeted gay man. Caught in the act of playing games with underaged youth, he suddenly enters a treatment facility and announces he was abused by the clergy as a teen. Come on......
None of that excuses the fact that he wrote explicit emails and IM's to young men. The fact that those in the know have known about his gayness for ages and a day does not change it either. Who ever he is, was, or wants to be, he is an abuser. Abuse is a power game, and all the extras determine the kind of damage done, but its still a power abuse. And what part of Congressman vs the Page does not reek of power play.Our world is going to hell in a handbasket (to use a rather dated phrase.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
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11 comments:
Couldn't agree more. It's not always easy to live as a OUT lesbo in the small minded Midwest, but I do it anyway, because it's who I am. Oh, and I also don't want to teach my son that living a lie would EVER be ok.
I have no idea why others can't do the same, but I suppose they have their reasons (which they can keep as long as they want to remain miserable).
Cheers!
Sublime
Married and lesbian, without extenuating circumstances keeping you from leaving is a crock, IMO. Not being able to be out is one thing, but choosing to stay married? That's not lesbian, that's just someone who wants to play on the side, IMO.
I have never understood that either. I have known one woman who just drove me nuts, though. She was married (but clearly unhappily, she had the nickname "fat boy" for her spouse). She had a "dear friend" who might as well have been her lover.They had pet names for each other (nice ones) and acted like junior high girls in love, yet she was quick to announce that she was NOT gay. When she was finally outed, she pulled the marriage card. She was MARRIED and quite happy, thank you. This was just a little mistake.
The thing is...the woman she had the affair with was my best friend. And my friend wasted YEARS of her life with this woman. It still irks me that she hurt her so much.
And Foley? God help us. He is a creep.
As to the married lesbians who stay married, I won't pass judgment.
As to the Foley debacle, personal responsibility rolls over and plays dead.
Hell in a handbasket is an understatement.
*grimace* the straddlers take from both sides... take abuse, take condemnation, take misinformed judgements... hence the defensiveness.
One cannot ever hope comprehend the sometimes complicated extenuating circumstances of another persons life.
Gah married lesbian = scam artist.
*cringe*
"For me being a lesbian is not a choice, but living as a lesbian is."
Well said, Cris. All of it.
What if she is married to someone who is very good to her and just happens to be a best friend? How can anyone judge anyone else as a scam artist if they don't even KNOW them! It's shit like this that keeps us in the closet!
if she is married to her best friend or someone who is good to her....that is great but IMHO she is NOT a lesbian, and I would resent her involvement in anything where she stated that she was a lesbian without qualifiying.
I do not have issue with people who live their lives the way they need to...I am neither all knowing or all seeing and havent the right to judge BUT there are women who are not honest about their lives...and this those I have issue with.
I pay my "dues" every day as an honest, out lesbian. The ones who stay married for what ever reason take from both sides and give nothing back. what ever their reason, they hurt every cause i fight for.
closet is a personal choice as well. and dishonesty should have the bright lights shown on it
Married lesbians--sometime don't realize they are married until they have kids, mortages, and are dependent upon a man for some part or all of their income. It is easy to judge someone wh is coming to terms with years of denial and trying to figure out how to fit their new enlightenment into an old style and pattern of ACCEPTABLE behavior--acceptable my society's standards, not ours. We cannot condemn those whose shoes we have never walked in. I wish I had known i was lesbian my whole life. Then I'd have had 40 years to figure things out alone instead of figuring it out after I had obligations and expectations, inlaws, and kids. Once I knew, I also knew that being true to myself would be blowing up many other lives--not just my own. It is not an easy road and I expect more from my fellow womyn.
once i knew about myself, I also knew that no matter how hard it would be, I had to be honest. It was the best example for my children, and although not the easiest path, no matter others needs and expectations, If I could not be true to myself, then I would have been doomed to live a lie for life. But that was my choice.
I have issues with married women who stay married and also get involved with lesbians, who play the dutiful wife in the view of others (portraying a lie) but have assignations on the side.
Honesty, integrity, being true to ones self, these are not the things that will blow up others lives, they may rock the status quo, but.....
and as for expecting more from fellow womyn, wommin, wimmin, how ever you want to spell it....
first expect more from yourselves...like honesty....before you expect anything from another womon.
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